A LOT with Audra

Ep30
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​[00:00:00]

Audra Dinell: Hey, welcome to a lot with Audra. So many women come to the thread community to find their voice, whether it be because someone told them directly to be quiet, whether it be a subconscious feeling that they felt safer, keeping their thoughts to themselves, or whether they finally got a seat at that table they wanted to be at, and then self-doubt creeped in.

We have all been there at one time or another. Today we're gonna talk to our guest, Anetra Burton about why it's so important to have a voice, how to find it, and ways we can encourage others to do the same. We're going to talk through [00:01:00] this through the lens of the thread experience because Anetra was a member of Cohort eight.

Understanding the Thread Community
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Audra Dinell: Before we jump in, let me tell you about the thread. If you're unfamiliar, the thread is two things. It's first and foremost a community of professional women who are like valued in the way that they are seeking growth.

Secondly, it's a container for women to carve out time from their full lives to develop themselves, both personally and professionally. Specifically, we give them space to get to know themselves in this season of life. Learn their strengths, their saboteurs. Discover their purpose and also build their power skills.

Skills that will help them thrive in leadership, like confidence and emotional intelligence. For more information, visit the thread wlc.com. Okay.

Meet Anetra Burton
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Audra Dinell: Today we're gonna hear from Anetra Burton, also known as hashtag TLK doc. She's a storyteller, a speaker coach, and a legacy builder on a mission to help people use their voices to change lives, [00:02:00] starting with their own.

She is the founder and lead communications coach of the Speakers Legacy Collective, a platform that equips leaders, entrepreneurs, and rising voices to speak with clarity, confidence, and credibility on stage, on camera, and in high stakes conversations. With over 20 years of experience in communications and public relations, Anetra brings a signature blend of strategy, polish, and soul to every session.

Anetra is also the founder of Inspire Her. A platform designed to help women dream bigger and live boldly. Welcome to the podcast.

Anetra Burton: Hello. Thank you so much for having me. Very happy to be here.

Audra Dinell: Oh my gosh. I'm so happy to have you here. And you have like the best podcast voice.

Anetra Burton: Thank you. Thank you very much.

I, I have been told that before. I've done commercials and different things like that and it's, just me.

Audra Dinell: It's just you. Yeah. Okay.

Anetra's Journey to Authenticity
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Audra Dinell: So you were in cohort eight. Mm-hmm. Many women come to the thread trying to find their voice, but you are different. You [00:03:00] are a woman who has a strong voice and you encourage other women to use theirs.

Tell me a little bit about that mindset to where it stems from and your passion.

Anetra Burton: It stems from me seeing women that I admired. At a young age my mother included going through the motions, adjusting themselves to please the world, to please a boss, to please a partner and not really being true to themselves, stripping away bits and pieces of themselves.

To fit into a mold that they thought was the right thing. So as I've gone through life and my career and becoming, you know, a mother and a wife, and just watching how other people move in the world, I really realize that so many of us are doing a disservice to our authentic selves because we're not using our own voice.

We're using the voice that [00:04:00] we think other people want to hear, or the voice that other people have told us they want to hear. Which is not a voice that is actually our own. So in that journey, I decided to help women to realize and learn what their true voice is, what's authentic to them, what they know to be true, what their gut says, and then to have the confidence to stand on what their truth is in any situation, whether it be at home, at work, which is really scary and really hard, and to seek out.

Like-minded community that is on or wants to be on the same journey so that they can help support each other to be strong in being who they really truly are. Mm.

Audra Dinell: So how did you tap into that authenticity of your own voice for yourself?

Anetra Burton: So I. I knew for years in, the adult space, that I wasn't fully being myself because I could notice a difference between the way I was in [00:05:00] some work situations at some companies and the way I was with family, with my children, with my friends, and the way I would encourage other people.

In a sense, it's called code switching. Mm-hmm. You're one way when you're at work or when you're out in public corporate spaces, and then when you're with your actual friends, your actual people that really truly know you, and I seen the way that it was affecting my outcomes in those two different places.

Mm-hmm. So. I had an instance when I came to the thread that season of my life, I was going through something in that previous corporate space that, praise God, I'm no longer in where I had a choice to make. I'm either gonna use my true, authentic voice and say what I see that is wrong, that is not only hurting me, but is hurting other people properly following the channels.

Or I'm gonna stay in this little hole, in this little bubble that they've created for me and no [00:06:00] change. It's going to happen. No good is going to come of this and it's just gonna keep going. So I decided to stand up straight, which is what I tell people when they're on the road to being authentic. Stand up straight, which is being yourself.

I stood up straight, use my voice to say the injustice that I was seeing and experiencing the outcome was the outcome. It was a benefit to me, but I know that that was a seed that was being planted. To help me to become a catalyst, not only for myself, but for the other women that I was coming in contact with.

That literally was the season where I was starting the thread. Hmm. And had the opportunity to be around other women, hear their stories, hear their hopes, their fears, their dreams, and help encourage them to. Fire. You know, fire those things that are no longer serving. You put sparks to those things that you want to do.

We cried [00:07:00] together. We laughed together. But having that timeframe to encourage each other and build on those things every week for that time period that we were together was amazing. Absolutely amazing. And those ripples go out into the community.

Audra Dinell: Okay.

The Power of Mastermind Groups
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Audra Dinell: So two things I wanna pull on. First, I'll do this string of being around other women who are eager to find their voice and helping them, because you have one of the coolest stories that I love that came out of your mastermind group at the thread.

Mm-hmm. So will you share that story?

Anetra Burton: Yes, yes, absolutely. So the Mastermind group, of course, are smaller groups within the thread where we have time with our smaller group of women to actually, eat lunch together and, and tell stories and put people in the hot seat and lead different conversations.

But we also get to talk more intimately about, you know, this is going on at home, this is going on at work. What celebrations do you have? That was a thing that we [00:08:00] did in my group. What celebrations and what challenges do you have so we could celebrate together and then brainstorm, within the group on how to help.

You know each other out. So one of the young ladies that was in my group, the fantastic, fabulous, miss Fully Love shout out to Prime Lux.

Helping Others Find Their Voice
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Anetra Burton: She was explaining that she has this pitch competition coming up. She's really excited about it. She's really happy to do it, but she's very nervous because she's not confident in her public speaking, and she wants to get better.

She was excited, she was driven. She needed support and direction on how to do this. So in our conversations, she found out that that is something that I coach, is something that I teach. And of course she had heard me speak various times at the thread, just in the different exercises and activities that we did.

She said, you're really confident I wanna be like that when I grow up, even though there's not a big, you know, age gap between us. But she said, it looks so [00:09:00] easy for you. Can you help me? I said, absolutely, I can help you. That's no problem. I've worked with executives and CEOs and other entrepreneurs before to help them prepare for different things.

So we started to meet, you know, a couple times a week. I met with her to ask her, what do you feel like you're good at? What do you wanna work on? Where do you want to go? We got a plan in place, so we would meet every week. I would give her different activities to do like recording herself, for example, so she can see what she sounds like, how she moves.

Are you stiff? Are you engaging? Are people gonna wanna look at you when you're talking and remember what it is that you're saying. We went through all these different exercises. Polished memorization. She already had the, clothes, the hair, the glam down. That's something she does every day so well, and we got her to the point where she was confident she was ready to go out there and perform to captivate people and tell them why she's so passionate about the high level.

[00:10:00] Catering that she does and what sets her apart from everybody else. So it was a wonderful experience. We are now, you know, we're friends, we were already friends leading up to that, but now we, you know, we'll text each other and we are connecting on a different level, not just from the cohort or from the coaching that we did, but we've learned more about each other as people, as mothers, as women.

And it was a very, very valuable experience. And that.

Building the Speakers Legacy Collective
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Anetra Burton: Was a catalyst for me to go ahead and actually make it a business because I've been doing it for so long in different settings and getting paid for it, but I did not have it under my own umbrella, and I went ahead and created the Speakers Legacy Collective.

So I brought together some of the best, the brightest, the most brilliant communicators. Speakers that I know in different industries. So we have different areas of business, of sports, of higher [00:11:00] education that we cover different areas of, of corporate America, entrepreneurship, all the way up to Fortune 500.

Yeah, absolutely amazing to help people learn how to use their voices in the most effective, confident way so that they are ready to command any stage that their own

Audra Dinell: Well, and I love that story for so many reasons. I love when mastermind groups, which we're so intentional, putting them together. Mm-hmm.

It's not something I've explained on the podcast, but we have about 30 women in each cohort. And then mastermind groups are about six women each. And that is one of our favorite processes behind the scenes, putting them together and we're so intentional about it, we take a lot of time doing it. And so when, when it clicks for a mastermind group, it feels so rewarding.

But the fact that then you were able to use. The, this aptitude, these skills that you naturally had and build a business off of it. Mm-hmm. Was exciting to see. Yeah. And then of course you two, connecting and supporting one another [00:12:00] because at the thread we know her business is great. We've used her, we are happy, you know, with her, we refer her out, but she needs to be able to tell that story too.

Anetra Burton: Yeah.

Audra Dinell: And so it was just so rewarding on so many levels and exciting to watch.

Anetra Burton: Absolutely.

Audra Dinell: Okay, I'm gonna pull the other thread that I mentioned. Mm-hmm.

The Importance of Authenticity
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Audra Dinell: And that is the code switching. So. I'm curious for anyone who's listening and they're wondering if they could switch too. Mm-hmm. Maybe they're like, oh, I've just heard that term and I wonder if that's me.

What does it feel like when you are using your authentic voice versus what does it feel like when you're code switching and using a voice that you think you should be using?

Anetra Burton: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Like

Audra Dinell: what does it feel like in your body?

Anetra Burton: It feels sickening. It's almost like a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach because I know that I'm not actually being myself.

For me it was. Dumbing myself down in a way to not be perceived as a threat by my boss or, other [00:13:00] supervisors that may be around having someone look at you, okay, well, she thinks she's a know-it-all, or she's a, smarty pants or she thinks that she's better than other people.

Those are things that have been said or put in place specifically to make women feel. Or behave less than. Mm-hmm. And it's not true. If you have taken the time to educate yourself in whatever area it is, if it's, you know culinary, if it's business, if it's communication, whatever the case may be, whether it's YouTube or Wichita State and friends, you took the time to pour into yourself.

That's knowledge. That's a gift that nobody can ever take away from. You have the confidence and the courage to own that. It's important. So if you're talking about something that you know you know about, but somebody else in the room that has a different title, then you comes in and they [00:14:00] start speaking about it and you know that you're correct, open your mouth.

It's okay. You have all that knowledge for a reason. You have those gifts and those passions in place for a reason. If they don't like it or if they try to shut you down. That may not be the space that you're supposed to be in.

Audra Dinell: Well, and I think it's about self-respect too, right? Mm-hmm. It's about respecting yourself, showing up for yourself and saying, absolutely.

Hey, I do know something here. Or I do have a question. Even if you haven't necessarily taken all the time and gotten educated, and so it's more of a curiosity thing. Mm-hmm. And you're like, well, I wanna know about this. Yeah. Like, ask the question. Have that just respect for yourself to use your voice. Yes.

Whether it be sharing something that you know, you know. Mm-hmm. Or whether it be to ask a challenging question that might bust open a situation and create some change.

Anetra Burton: Exactly. And start conversations. Your daughters, your friends, your sisters, other women that you're around can only [00:15:00] benefit from you being brave.

Audra Dinell: I totally agree. And as the mom of a she's not really a teenager now, is she? She's a young adult, yeah. Is the mom of a young adult woman, like how important is that?

Anetra Burton: It's extremely important. I have four kids. One of those is a girl, my daughter, and I've always been very mindful to be. What I wished I had, and a lot of times that's what we become as women.

We become what we needed when we were younger if we didn't have it. So I allow my kids to see me set goals, say, okay, this is a dream. This was something that I wanted to do. I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna make a plan and I'm gonna go after it, and I'm gonna go after it, and I'm gonna go after it, even if it gets hard, even if I cry.

Mm-hmm. Even if I go get the ice cream.

Mm-hmm. And just turn on Netflix and just zone out for a little while. You're still [00:16:00] gonna see me win. I teach my kids to learn who they are now at a younger age, so that they don't have to figure it out as adults like we did. Mm-hmm.

I know now, but I'll be 49 next month.

Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.

Anetra Burton: I want my kids to get it at 25, 21, 20 19 so that when they start figuring out their direction. They can say, okay, mom said this, mom did this and she did this, and she did this, and she did this. If she can do it, I know I can do it.

Audra Dinell: Yeah. Seeing that as an example is so important.

Anetra Burton: Yeah.

Tips for Gaining a Stronger Voice
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Audra Dinell: Well, to wrap up our conversation, I'm curious what tips you have to someone who finds themself in that position feeling like they are not strongly using their voice. You gave one tip already and that was especially if you're getting ready for a presentation or a pitch or a social media content creation.

Mm-hmm. Video yourself, watch it back, see how you come off. [00:17:00] Tweak and practice. Mm-hmm. What other tips would you have to give someone who is interested in gaining a stronger voice?

Anetra Burton: Fantastic. Fantastic question. So in the midst of the recording part, record yourself on a video one, watch the video. Full sound, full everything.

Look at your facial expressions. Look at your body movements. Are you just sitting there not moving afraid? Are you using your hands? Are you inviting people in? Next, play it back again, but only listen to it. Are you changing the structure of your voice? Are you playing with it? Your voice is an instrument.

Are you going up? Are you going down? Are you, getting louder? Are you getting quieter? Are you pausing so that people have an opportunity to digest what it is that you're saying, or are you monotone? And not changing your voice, and you sound the same all the time, [00:18:00] and it's just boring. And that's why people fall asleep in class in meetings because you're not giving them any variety.

You're not giving them any life. My next tip would be silence. The noise. Allow yourself to be in a quiet space. Whether you take a walk outside for five or 10 minutes in the evening when it's cooler, since it's hot outside right now. No music. So you can hear yourself. You can hear your thoughts. You can run down the course of your day with no, no phone ringing, no kids, yelling or laughing.

No dog barking and just. Listen to your own voice. Find that stillness. If it's meditation, if it's. Going and getting in a hot tub or swimming, whatever the case may be. I personally work out with music when I lift weights and stuff like that, but when I swim, when I'm in the hot tub, I purposely make sure that my phone is nowhere near me.

It's locked in a locker [00:19:00] and turned off so that I can just have that silent time, meditate. No phone, no music, no nothing.

Audra Dinell: Well, I think that's one of the only ways, other than in conversations and specifically like coaching conversations or therapy conversations, I think taking a walk or being in the shower some how, kind of like moving your body and becoming aware of your thoughts is the only way to really catch them.

Yes. You know, it's like we think so many thoughts every single day. Yes. That are. Moving our behaviors one way or another. Mm-hmm. But it's like step one is being aware and like catching it. What thought is behind this, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So I think you can have some intentional time around that, but one way to catch it is like you said, going on a walk and mm-hmm.

Just five minutes of silence.

Anetra Burton: Exactly.

Audra Dinell: Love that. Exactly. That's a great tip.

Anetra Burton: Absolutely. And then another quick one would be. [00:20:00] Know what you believe in, what your truth is versus what the world has told you. Mm-hmm. What work has told you. What do you hold true in your heart and know in your gut is right about you.

Audra Dinell: Hmm.

Anetra Burton: If you know that you're a kind person and someone else has told you that, you're rude, you're bossy, you know, why are you like that? Well. I know that I'm a good person. If I seem bossy to you, that's a you problem. That's not a me problem. I have a good heart and I'm going to tell you, I'm gonna hold your hand and tell you you're not doing this right.

You could do this better. I can help you. I want to see you win. That's not me trying to, you know, tell you what to do. It's trying to encourage you. I know I have a good heart and I have the best intentions. You can take it or leave it. Don't let people tell you that you're something that you know that you're not.

Mm. [00:21:00] You're going to win. You're very, very valuable, and you are worthy of every good thing that the world has for you, that God has for you. If somebody tells you you're not worth it, you'll never win. You'll never be this. You'll never accomplish that, you know better. You know better. So when you hear those voices inside of you, that inner critic

Audra Dinell: mm-hmm.

Anetra Burton: It's a saboteur.

Audra Dinell: Yeah.

Anetra Burton: Learn what's true. And what's your inner critic?

Audra Dinell: Oh, on that note, I feel like it's a mic drop. Boom.

Conclusion and Contact Information
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Audra Dinell: Tell our listeners where they can find you.

Anetra Burton: So I am on all social media. I'm on Facebook and Instagram mostly. That's Anetra c Burton Fire Diva 3 1 6. Awesome. If you want to email and set up co coaching sessions to help find your voice, to help learn [00:22:00] how to use your voice confidently, you can email us at Speakers Legacy collective@gmail.com.

Nice and easy breezy, or reach out to the thread they know how to find me too.

Audra Dinell: Yay. Well, I wanted to say it has been so fun to get to know you through the cohort experience. We got to know each other a little bit. We, we knew of each other before. Mm-hmm. The thread, but I feel like I got to see your heart and know more of who you are in the cohort experience and I very much enjoyed that and am grateful for this conversation on the podcast.

So thank you.

Anetra Burton: Thank you. Keep doing what you're doing. We need it. You're gonna win too. Thank you, friend. Absolutely.