A LOT with Audra

Ep31
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​[00:00:00]

Introduction
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Audra Dinell: Welcome to a lot with Audra. Loneliness in Leadership is a well-documented and growing issue. A report by the Harvard Business Review found that nearly 70% of executives report that they struggle with loneliness and over half say it affects their performance. Contributing factors to this include isolation at the top.

Leaders often can't share openly with team members or peers due to the nature of their role. It also comes from decision fatigue. The pressure to make constant high stakes decisions creates emotional strain, and then there's the high expectations. Leaders are [00:01:00] often expected to have it all together, which can discourage vulnerability.

Introducing Alyssa and Her Journey
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Audra Dinell: Today we're gonna talk to our guest, Alyssa McGinn, about her journey in building community as she's moved across the world, taking on different roles and faced unique challenges. We're going to use the lens of the thread experience to direct the conversation as Alyssa was a member of cohort three.

The Thread: A Community for Professional Women
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Audra Dinell: Before we jump in, let me tell you about the thread. If you're unfamiliar, the thread is two things. It's first and foremost a community of professional women who are like valued in the way that they are seeking growth. Secondly, it's a container for women to carve out time from their full lives to develop themselves, both personally and professionally.

We build skills like emotional intelligence and confidence, these skills that are termed soft skills, but they're really powerful skills that can help you in your leadership. And we also make space for women to learn more deeply who they are in the season, what their purpose is, what their strengths are.

How [00:02:00] they're sabotaging themselves. For more information, visit the thread wlc.com. Okay. So excited to have Alyssa on today. Alyssa again is a business builder and relationship cultivator who's passionate about bringing clarity to chaos, especially when it comes to data. She's the managing partner at Info Fluency Data Solutions, and co-founder of Luminous.

An AI tool helping m and a professionals evaluate deals faster and more confidently. With a background in business development and sales, Alyssa has a knack for spotting opportunities and connecting dots between people, systems and strategy. She also leads several B2B networking groups for fractional executives and m and a pros across the Midwest and the south, creating spaces where real relationships and referrals can grow.

A proud Houston native. Alyssa now lives in Kansas with her husband, Joe and their two boys. Juggling business, family life, and the occasional wild [00:03:00] idea that just might work.

Welcome Alyssa. Thanks for having me. I'm so excited. This is so fun. I'm excited to have you today. And we met, I, I just think about when we first met on a Zoom call. You were interested in the thread. You had just moved here from a whole nother country and I was like, you're amazing.

I just moved here from. A whole nother state that was across the ocean. So it kind of felt like a different country. Mm-hmm. And we had a lot in common. We have two little boys. We get really excited about business and building community, which is what we're talking about today.

Alyssa McGinn: Yeah. My favorite topics.

Audra Dinell: I know.

So take us back to pre-read, Alyssa. What brought you to the thread and specifically what were you looking for? Paint us a picture of your life at that time.

Alyssa's Transition and Initial Challenges
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Alyssa McGinn: Yeah, so we moved back from India, the country in 2021. COVID had really thrown a wrench in our, our lives overseas, and we ended up settling in my husband's hometown of Halstead, which is 2000 [00:04:00] people.

And I had just made the switch to work with my mom in the family business, and I was doing business development in sales, and I was like. I'm in a town of 2000 people. I don't even know anyone in this town. And like Wichita was a very clear like place where I'm going to do work and meet people, but I knew one person and I was like, how am I gonna do this?

So I reached out to this one person Who? The one that you knew? The one that I knew. Okay. I was just like, Hey, I don't know anyone. I'm trying to like build a business and do some stuff in Wichita. Can we have coffee? And so. Shout out. Actually, I'll give him a shout out to Brandon Gatey. He was at Hutton at the time and I was like, he's the only person I knew because he used to live in Houston.

So I was like, can we have coffee? I had no idea what we were gonna talk about, and at the end of the conversation I was like, I need to wait to like get involved. Like I need to meet people, I need to make friends, but I also need to like a start of my network. Which at the time I actually didn't know that I was really asking for that.

But that's really when I [00:05:00] look back, I'm like, I needed a starting point for my network. Mm-hmm.

Discovering Community and Building Connections
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Alyssa McGinn: And he was like, I've heard rumoring of this thing called the thread. You should look it up. And that's kinda how we ended our coffee. And I was like, okay. You know, at that point I'm kind of open to anything.

And so I remember going home and looking at your website and being like, okay, you know, this looks, I loved all the things you talked about. Leadership, personal development, like women. And I've never been like a, what do they say? Like a girl's girl? But I wanted to have like female friends and I wanted to like be connected in that way.

And so I was like, okay, I'm just gonna apply. And so then that's when we got on that Zoom call. And so I really went into it looking for just a spot to start getting connected and a place where I could grow and learn and to hopefully develop friendships and like business relationships. And, but really besides that, like I went in blind, like we talked for like, what, 20 minutes?

And you were like, I [00:06:00] was like, oh, I gotta like, I think that day you're like, you should join. Like, I totally would love for you to do this. I felt like an interview and I was like really nervous, so I was like, I'm not gonna have any friends if I don't get into this. And so, yeah, I was just coming in really looking and seeking for community.

Audra Dinell: You know what's interesting about that, that I can connect to? I mean, so many things, but one thing through you talking, I have just realized I've never really had big groups of girlfriends. I mean, I would say I'm definitely very a girly girl, but I wouldn't say that I was like a girl's girl.

Like I have this group of friends from college or this from high school. I've just never had that. So it's so interesting that it's like. I created a community for women. Mm-hmm. And you didn't know you were seeking friendships. And that common thread even right there of like, who we were, but what we knew or like felt somewhere in our body that we [00:07:00] needed.

Alyssa McGinn: Yeah. And I think a lot of it was, I felt really misunderstood by other women. I had been around in the past. Just because growing up in like a church community I, I felt like my, my business and entrepreneurial ambitions were misunderstood. And like, why I didn't wanna just, you know. And again, nothing against us.

It was just like, it felt like I was not understood, like to wanna work and to do build something. And so I, I just didn't know where my space was. Like I didn't know, you know, where I would fit in. And I think as I'm reflecting on what you've said, I was like, these are all working wo, like working women.

And I'm sure a lot of them have kids, like I just felt like this was a place where maybe I could connect in a way that was like, okay, these women, whether working corporate or doing their own thing, like they have ambitions and they're making a choice to like work outside the home and they still are an awesome mom and value their kids and their role as a wife and a mom.

And I just had never found that anywhere else.

Audra Dinell: Mm. You know, we [00:08:00] took a bunch of testimonials. It was probably around cohort four. Mm. So, at that time, maybe a hundred women had gone through our program and maybe we had 50 testimonials or something like that.

The Power of Growth and Community
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Audra Dinell: I took all of them right as chat, GPT was coming around and entered all the testimonials into chat, GBT, and I said.

Tell me the most common word that is coming up here, and the most common word was growth. And that is not a word that I used to use when talking about the thread. I would talk about building your leadership, your community, your confidence. Mm-hmm. But what I found was that. So many women are coming to the thread and they're coming for different reasons, but there's always that core nugget of like a desire to grow when they come.

And that growth can look all different ways, right? Mm-hmm. It can look like scaling a business or leaving your job and starting a business or growing. Climbing the ladder in your corporate career, it could look as like growing as a mom or growing your friend group. Mm-hmm. But growth was that [00:09:00] word that came up and I was like, that's it.

Everyone who is here has a value on some level, whether it's a top value of theirs or just somewhere midway to grow.

Alyssa McGinn: Yeah. And I don't think I would've used that word either. Like I think that if you would've said to me back then, like, somewhere, where do you want to grow? And I'd be like, yeah, but I didn't necessarily like.

Use that word or internally or like think about that a lot. But I'd automatically sense that in other people, like if you meet someone and they're just like really passionate and really like growth-minded, like that is very magnetic to me. And it's like you don't know. You're like, oh, I really like this person.

But you can't always like identify why. I think growth, the growth mindset is something that through the thread, I had language, I learned language for, 'cause I'm like all these people. Are growth minded in one way or another. And I'm like really drawn to that. And I think I'd been around a lot of people that didn't share in that same [00:10:00] value with me.

And so I think it's like, I'm thankful that I just did it because I didn't really know that all those people in the thread would be growth minded. I just sensed that it would be like a good place to start. But then now I look back and that's why it's like, I know that if you've gone through the thread or if you're, you know, connected in that way, that like.

We can vibe on that level.

Audra Dinell: Yeah.

Alyssa McGinn: Right. And it's like, that's such a high value to me. And I just didn't recognize it until even probably afterwards, honestly, like going through and then reflecting back on my experience in the thread and I was like, oh, you know, you start to put all those pieces together.

So super. And I think the val, the giving the language. Like, I didn't know how to talk about that. Mm-hmm. I didn't know how to be aware that I appreciated that. Hmm. I didn't know how to find other people like that before. Going through the thread and really the growth mindset, the first workshop we did.

Was on growth or maybe the second doesn't matter. And I was like, oh, [00:11:00] this makes sense. Okay,

Diverse Experiences and Shared Growth
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Audra Dinell: well, because it doesn't really matter because here's the thing about the thread, right? There are entrepreneurs, there are high level C level corporate women. There are women who run large businesses with lots of employees.

There are solopreneurs, there are women who work for small businesses. So there's all kinds of women from all kinds of industries. Mothers, non mothers just different layers of diversity that we have at the thread. Those factors don't matter so much as that core like energy that you mentioned. Mm-hmm.

Of I am pursuing growth or have a growth mindset. And so that's what I love about this space that has been surprising to me, creating it. I originally thought, okay, I'm gonna create the thread in one. Version is gonna be ENT for entrepreneurs and one is gonna be for women who work for other people. Oh,

Alyssa McGinn: interesting.

Audra Dinell: Yeah. And I had a friend say, well, before we even launched, well, why don't you just combine 'em? Because they have so much to learn from one another. Mm-hmm. And I saw it happen even in your cohort, like [00:12:00] one of the mastermind groups, someone was. An entrepreneur is wanting to put together an SOP and one of the corporate women was like, oh, well I'll send you ours so you can see what it looks like.

And then what that corporate woman got like this really great idea and kind of like claimed agency over something in her business and career through an entrepreneur. Because she's, you know, surrounded in her work bubble by, you know, people who work for the same company as she does. Mm-hmm. And so to be around entrepreneurs was like lighting a little bit of a fire for her.

Alyssa McGinn: Totally.

Audra Dinell: To take agency in her career.

Alyssa McGinn: I mean, in my own mastermind group, from the start of the thread till now, we had someone leave a job someone start their own business, someone get promoted across to another company at a higher position and someone who stayed in their same role, but also started like a passion side hustle.

That's like the five of us. You just see, I mean, go back into that word growth. Like you see the growth and you see people feel empowered to go after, whatever it was that they actually, really did want to do or to pursue. [00:13:00] And I feel like that container for that to happen was so powerful.

But I mean. You're right, like three out of the US were corporate and then there was entrepreneurs, and that mix was really. I don't know, gave different perspectives and got to, you gotta be a part of different people's journey at different points, and I don't think it would've been the same without that.

Alyssa's Continued Journey and Investments
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Audra Dinell: Well, and it's been fun to be a part of your journey and think about where we were on that very first video call where you knew one person and then a second me. Yeah. And seeing what you have built and stepped into your role as co-owner. Mm-hmm. And founded a new business and started. Groups. Like, it's just been amazing to see just like that spark, like, and follow your journey of growth.

Mm.

Alyssa McGinn: Yeah. And isn't it crazy that like the thread was the spark? Like I can trace it all back to that. That makes me wanna cry. Yeah. Like seriously. But I'm not going to. Nope. I won't. No, seriously, like, I mean. I like look back on [00:14:00] my whole journey and it's like the thread was the starting point. And now I look at like the community and the connections in Wichita, Wichita alone and just the different communities I've gotten to start and to be a part of, you know, as a result.

And I just look back at my cohort and I'm like, this person, we did this together, we talked about this and so I did that. Or you know, actually worked with a few of them, in different ways. And so it really was like the spark that lit it all up. 'cause you only have to know one person to start building a network and a community.

Audra Dinell: Well, and you're so good at choosing to invest in the next level that you need. That's something I've noticed about you. So it's like if the thread was to spark and you were saying, I know no one, I just need to start and build my foundation of network in this new city. I've watched you over the years continue to pull on different groups and [00:15:00] investments and coaches and risks.

I guess even to continue your path.

Alyssa McGinn: Yeah.

Balancing Building and Maintaining Networks
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Alyssa McGinn: I keep feeling like I have to raise my, my urgent level of necessity when it comes to those things because I keep wanting to grow and evolve and change, not only as a business owner, but also as a person. And I've just kind of noticed that. At every level, people's desire kind of like falls off and it becomes harder and harder to like find the core group of people that we're really gonna like, keep you in it, keep you accountable that have, you know, chasing the same types of goals and dreams that you are.

And so I, every time I come to that fork in the road, I'm like, okay, you then need to invest and spend money, or I need to build something myself. Mm-hmm. And so when it came to the networking groups, I was like, okay, I. can't find the caliber of networking groups that serves the entrepreneur, solopreneur, small business who serves B2B clients that wants to level up into serve bigger [00:16:00] clients.

Like there was no group that did that. So I was like, okay, well I don't see anywhere where I can invest in that, so I'm gonna build it. More recently, my most recent big investment was a mastermind group. Really focused on impossible goals.

And I didn't really feel like I was equipped to build that because I had never actually done it myself. So I was like, okay, I'm gonna invest in that. And so it's like investor build. Yeah. And it's like I keep leveling up and trying to like, keep finding people who want to do that with me. And the building is getting harder and harder because the more things you build, the more things you have to sustain and to maintain the value of, and to stay connected with those people.

And then you get into like, what's that law? There's a law that's like basically you can withstand as a person, 150 relationships. Dun Dunbar, Dunbar's Law. Oh my gosh. I need to know that law. Dunbar's Law is like we as humans can really stay in community with 150 people. Obviously there's concentric circles there.

Like we have a big group of, what you might [00:17:00] call like. acquaintances, but more than that, and that goes down into like a core group that's maybe five to 10 people.

Audra Dinell: Hmm.

Alyssa McGinn: But yeah, we can't, we can't do more than that. So I've really slowed down my building because I as a human can only like, only have so much capacity and I wanna make sure that I continue to give that to the communities I've already invested in or built myself.

And, but that's been extremely life giving and extremely community building.

The Value of a Strong Network
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Alyssa McGinn: And I have to tell you a really funny story about this, because this community is more than just business. It's more than just friendship. It's also like it pays to have a network. So my mom was driving home from Oklahoma yesterday with my children, so we had to come home early to go to a wedding.

So we weren't with them and something went wrong with her car. And so she had to pull over into a casino with my two toddlers. Mm-hmm. And. Apparently there was a leak of her oil, and so I was like, okay, I'm an hour away. She can't drive the car because it [00:18:00] would literally burn up. I was like, okay, there's a guy in my networking group who lives in Enid that is like 15 minutes from her.

I'm gonna call him. He was like, he was like, yes, where is she? Dropped me the pin. He went and mobilized, picked up oil for her, fixed her car, and I was like, that is network, that is community to me is like always having someone that you can call that is a good human to me that was just like the picture of what I've built in terms of my network and just.

It's so much more than business. Right. It's like personal, like you just went and helped my mom on, on a Sunday on the job of a hat. Yes. It's crazy. That's amazing. I

Audra Dinell: know. Like what a, what a good story. And, just like a good testimonial for like, this is why you need community.

Managing Large Communities
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Audra Dinell: So I really relate to like, as your community gets larger and larger, you can only sustain so many.

Mm-hmm. The thread, we're on cohort nine. We'll start cohort 10 in the fall. We start in October. So. After 10 [00:19:00] cohorts, we'll have about 300 women in our thread community. Mm-hmm. Like how do you stay invested in the people in your communities, whether it be like, I'm curious on the five to 10 level, what do those relationships look like to you?

And then also on the 150 people level.

Alyssa McGinn: Yeah, it's really hard.

Systematizing Relationships
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Alyssa McGinn: I've had to systematize a little bit of it because when you get past the five to 10 and you really wanna be intentional and like stay connected with people, like I need notifications to text people. Like I need, I need to have a, and this might sound crazy, but I have a personal database of like all the people that I know business and otherwise with like, I think there's like 25 columns of like things that I tag them with so that I

can like go back and search and be like, okay, I know, I know some people that do X, Y, Z, and I wanna connect them to this person or invite them to this thing. And so I'm really intent intentional about documenting. Yeah. Which sounds like people are like, that's so heartless. [00:20:00] And I'm like, actually no.

It helps me to remember the people that I wanna make sure that I remember, especially as you get out further and further into that 150, like that's really hard to keep up. And so. I would say that I've, I've systematized some of it, but then like on the five to 10, I've just been very okay. That it is, it is manual, it is time, it is attention, it is intentionality.

And that if that takes a majority of my time and effort and energy, like I'm totally okay with that.

Balancing Personal and Community Relationships
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Alyssa McGinn: And I think that also you really have to, I've had to learn kind of the hard way is like sometimes the people that you want to be in the 10 or the 20. Like aren't recip reciprocal?

Audra Dinell: Like you're not in their 10 to 20.

Yeah.

Alyssa McGinn: Yeah. And like vice versa.

Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm. And

Alyssa McGinn: so sometimes it's really hard and like awkward conversa not to say like, Hey, it's not like my space. You're not like, oh, you're not my top five. But to just say like, and I feel like we've even [00:21:00] had some of those conversations like, you know, what season are you in?

What does this look like? Like with kids and life and everything? Like I've found that it's still so important to have those adult relationships that are connected on more than just we have kids. Yeah. Or we're doing this thing, like, it's a, it's a deeper connection than that.

Intentional Friendships
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Alyssa McGinn: And so I go all in on those, like five to 10, like talking consistently you know, inviting to do things, events, dinners, like all the things because like time breeds intimacy and time builds connection and, but I think lesson as you get to like growing in your career and business and desires, less and less people wanna be in that five to 10 and that 10 to 20. And I'm like, I just had to be okay with that. Yeah. But the people that do, and the people that I want to spend time with and that they wanna spend time, and some of those are couples, some of those are just my girlfriends.

Like, it all kind of varies, but I [00:22:00] just, I go all in. Yeah. I go hard on those people once it's like. Okay. We both, we both want this and we both have similar value alignment and I don't know if that answered your question, but No, it did. That kind of how I think about it.

Audra Dinell: It did because it's, you know, I've heard that tip before to actually systematize and I've tried it a time or two, I've just never kept up with it.

Mm-hmm.

Challenges of Maintaining Friendships
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Audra Dinell: But as my community grows, I feel like guilty. Anytime I see a cohort member out and about that I haven't caught up with in a year, right? And I'm like, oh my gosh, it's so good to see you. And maybe they haven't been able to make our alum events. And so I can see, the benefits of just systematizing and,

Alyssa McGinn: But at the same time, like I could feel like I'm, and maybe you feel this, maybe you don't, but you've built this whole community and I feel like people probably assume.

That you already have all your friends and community, and so it's like at the same time as you wanna keep up with everyone, like you also [00:23:00] need that personally. Oh, right. And that's my five to 10. Right, right. Because But then maybe people don't approach you to wanna be more in closer friendship because like, well, she has all these people.

Right. You know? Yeah. Because a mentor of mine has a really huge network and she's expressed that like all these people, like we have all these kind of low level conversations or business conversations, but people don't always pursue her in more in depth real life friendship. Because they just assume that she's got that covered.

Audra Dinell: Oh my gosh, yes. And I'm gonna have her on the podcast. Please do. I must I can relate to that so much. And that's been something that, you know, has just been on my mind and heart a lot this year and I'm in a different season. Like I'm not scaling. I am slowing down a little bit and investing in different areas.

Mm-hmm. And sort of like re strategizing even a little bit. Mm-hmm. So I think people can fall out of your five to 10 in different seasons. Totally.

Family and Friend Dynamics
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Audra Dinell: So do you include your [00:24:00] family in your five to 10, or is these five to 10 people who are like in your life that are not family? I'm curious.

Alyssa McGinn: So. My nuclear family, like my husband and my kids is like in my top.

Yeah. And then I have members of my, like my biological nuclear family that are part of that. Yeah. But not all of them. Yeah. And like a lot of that has been the same process. Mm-hmm. Like self-selection. Yeah. I mean my husband and my kids definitely. And I think a lot of that too is like how do we pursue, or how do I think about pursuing some of those five to 10 in light of them?

And then also, how do I also build how friendships and connection. For me. And then for our family and then for like couples you know, it's like there's different, it kind of gets dynamic a little bit and then you start getting a lot of overlap. Like I had someone I knew who started in my A networking group and then.

She wanted to go on a double date. And then they also had like kids who are a [00:25:00] little bit older, so it kind of morphed from a friendship between the two of us into like a family friendship. Oh, nice. And so it's like you kind of just like see how that like organically like goes. But you can't do that unless you're

Intentionality in Building Friendships
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Alyssa McGinn: again, intentional and initiate. And I also just recognize people don't do that, so a lot of times you have to do it.

Audra Dinell: Oh, I totally agree. I think, I mean, like we talked about at the very beginning, it is people are lonely right now. Mm-hmm. And many people are not taking the initiative to do these things and so to Yeah.

Have it fall on you. Mm-hmm. Is just again, the realization of like, you know, what if I want, if I don't wanna be lonely. Even in our very full lives, which that's why it feels weird to see all these stats. Yeah. But we all know it because we all feel it of like, okay, yes, my life is so full, but there's just this little ache that mm-hmm.

Only community can fill. Mm-hmm. And specifically about friendships, I've had so many women come to the thread to find different friendships in this season. Mm-hmm. And that was a [00:26:00] surprise to me. No longer is it a surprise because I've heard it so much, but, I find that, you know, sometimes our neighbors, or like you said, you know, the people who we went to high school with or college with, or people who we work with, they feel spots in our lives that are good.

But sometimes, you know, we're seeking someone who is a little bit more value aligned in this season. Mm-hmm. And so many women have come to the thread for that of like, I'm lonely. I need friends. And that's so funny to think of people saying or like writing in their forms that they fill out for us before they come.

Mm-hmm. But it is just true. Like we get so busy in our thirties and forties mm-hmm. And fifties and a lot of the people we're around are our kids', friends', parents. Mm-hmm. Or our coworkers or this and that. And you have to be really intentional to make something.

Alyssa McGinn: I'm curious what you think about this, but I found that a lot of people want that, but yet still [00:27:00] don't make any kind of intentionality or sacrifices to build that.

Like I find that to be very rare in someone who actually says, wow, I really want some close friends in this season. Or in general, I just want some close friends, or I want whatever it is that they, their void that they're filling yet. Like there's not a lot of action or like. It's hard for people to actually make space for that, I guess is what I'm saying.

Audra Dinell: I agree. And I think, I mean, like, like you said at the beginning, I think we all assume that Alyssa, you have plenty of friends. Mm-hmm. So I'm gonna be a burden on you if I ask you to do X, Y, Z. Yeah. Which, you know, we have gotten together with our families and our husbands and mm-hmm. So that's not necessarily true for us.

But I do think in general, people do think that, that, oh, I don't wanna be a burden. They probably already have so many friends or. They assume they're not the type to like have a group of friends or something [00:28:00] because they're not, you know, maybe they see someone else who has like a group of friends from high school that they always get together, or a group of friends from college.

Mm-hmm. And while that's beautiful for them, if that's not true for you, like that's not true for me. Mm-hmm. So I have to be intentional about. Creating that, but I just feel like sometimes you think, oh, maybe something is wrong with me because I don't have that group.

Alyssa McGinn: Yeah, and I think a lot of that I've found is like I am assuming a lot of things Yes.

About a lot of people and myself, like, oh, well, they're good with their group of friends, or, I see this on social media when really it's like. We all know that social media is just like a snapshot in time of their best, you know, moments of life. Not, you know, not always, but, and it just reminds me of, you know, we were reading the Let Them Theory and it's like, you can, you can kind of apply that to, this is like more on the, let me part, let me part.

Mm-hmm. It's like, okay, well, you know, they're, they're having fun and they have this [00:29:00] group of friends, but like. I'm not gonna just say that. Like I can't do anything, so I'm gonna build and create, even if it's like, Hey, I'm gonna text three families because I think it'll be really fun to like do a weekend trip with our kids to a waterpark or whatever you wanna do.

And it's like, you can just let me, what am I gonna do to fill what I want in my life and create, and people talk about this idea of like creating the life that you want or building the life that you want. It is not gonna just happen to you. Yeah. And that's the same with, it's the same thing with community, like the community and the friendships and the relationships.

Like there's, it's not just gonna, like one day you're gonna have this amazing, beautiful network of friends and family and you have all these amazing plans in life's perfectly balanced and all this stuff. It's like. No, you have to get really clear about what you want and you have to go intentionally create and build that life.

Yeah, and that's, I think getting, crossing that bridge is really hard and you get stuck in this valley of despair where it's like, oh, I want this, but like I have no age. I don't feel [00:30:00] any agency to go and create that life because. I'm not whatever you might wanna believe by yourself. Mm-hmm. Like I can't do that.

I'm not worthy of that. I don't have time, I don't have time. I'm so busy yet I don't feel connected. Mm-hmm. Or known. Mm-hmm. By anyone I'm not enjoying or having fun. And I like just have this distant vision of what my life could be or what I want it to be, but not in acting any agency to actually go build that.

And that's something that I've had to like really work through and be like, no one else is gonna do this for me. Mm-hmm. And there's a really great book by Jenny Allen called something about Community or People, and she says it takes over 200 shared hours with someone to really get them even close to being.

Five or into that five to 10 range. Is it Find your people. Yes. Yes. Is that the book? The yellow

Audra Dinell: book? I can't remember. I know the author. Think that's what It's okay. I'm gonna check that out. It's kind of

Alyssa McGinn: a spiritual perspective on community, but Sheli outlines a lot of statistics and a lot of really interesting research about [00:31:00] community and it really inspired me 'cause I'm like, you can't do one thing and just expect that you guys are gonna be besties.

Right, like 200 hours. Like that's a lot of time. That's

Audra Dinell: a lot of time. And I just love having that like me, something about me, which I'm sure you nerd out on this, being a data person, it's like something about having that metric makes it normalize. Like where I am in my friendships of like, okay, if I haven't put 200 hours into this, of course it doesn't like feel this need of, hey, we're texting every week, or whatever it is.

Mm-hmm. Mm. That's so good. So what tips would you give anyone who is in that season of like, I don't feel like I have a community. I am, you know, with my family and I'm at work, but I'm lonely. Or like we were kind of diving into wanting to develop deeper friendships. Mm-hmm.

Alyssa McGinn: I would say. Get clear on what you want, like what are your criteria for the types of people that you wanna be in connection and community with.

And not for a way of like ruthlessly eliminating [00:32:00] people, but more so that you can have your, your alerts up when you meet someone that you really would wanna be friends with. And then I would just say initiate, like reach out, make plans. Don't take anything personally. Keep building, keep creating. And the people will show up because, if you're really clear on what you want and the life you're building and what you're creating for yourself and for your family and you keep showing up and like putting those things together and making it possible for people to say yes, I don't think that will fail unless you stop too short, you know, unless you just quit.

So that's really all of my tips. 'cause that's all I've really, that that's the only thing I, it's just like to keep going and to keep looking for your people.

Audra Dinell: Mm. I think you and I could both talk about this topic for so long and I feel like we barely scratched the surface. Community is like at the core of the thread, but it's also a passion of both of ours.

And we've also had to build communities in different cultures throughout our lives. And so we have experience with it. Mm-hmm. Like [00:33:00] real boots on the ground experience, knowing no one,

The Human Experience of Community
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Alyssa McGinn: and I would say that the experience of building community in Wichita and in India, the human experience is the same.

Audra Dinell: Mm.

Alyssa McGinn: Like it's not any different there or here or Hawaii or anywhere like the human experience to be known and validated and loved and appreciated and belonging. Mm-hmm. Like That is not unique to us here in America or anywhere in the world. And I think that you have to remember that everyone is going through that.

Everyone is experiencing that and everyone wants the text to invite them to go do something. Yeah. Or to be a part of something or to belong in a group. And living cross-culturally, I'm like, oh, these people are just the same as us. Mm-hmm. Like we all feel that with a core. It's a core to all of us.

Yeah. Yeah. But, and that's like where you just assume that everyone else already has all that things figured out and I'm like, oh, nope. We're all still trying to fill that need consistently to feel known and belong to something, to [00:34:00] some group and data shows that.

Audra Dinell: Yeah, totally. Okay.

Final Thoughts and Contact Information
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Audra Dinell: So where, thank you. Yeah.

So much for this conversation. It went by so fast. I know. It went by so fast and it all went different directions. Yeah. And I love it. Where can our listeners find you?

Alyssa McGinn: LinkedIn is where I'm most active. I will respond to like Instagram dms, but give me like, you know, five to 10 business days. Mm-hmm.

But LinkedIn, Alyssa McGinn is the most easy, the easiest way to find me or, yeah, that's your best shot.

Audra Dinell: Okay.

Alyssa McGinn: LinkedIn. You can put my email address in the show notes if you want to.

Audra Dinell: Okay, we will do that too. Thank you so much. Yeah, and I'm so glad you said yes to the thread. I'm glad we got to know you.

Through I Community was the spark to my network. Oh my gosh. Oh, and if you are listening and you're interested in Cohort 10, we would love to talk to you, visit our website or reach out on our socials. Or you can email me at audra@thethreadwlc.com and we will start a conversation. Until next time, [00:35:00] thank you.