A LOT with Audra

Ep33
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Introduction and Welcome
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​[00:00:00]

Audra Dinell: All right. Welcome back to another episode of a Lot with Audra. Today we are gonna talk about women in leadership.

Meet Amber Bartemeo
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Audra Dinell: We are going to interview our guest, Amber Bartemeo. She's a wife, a mom of two girls, daughter to serial entrepreneurs, and a team lead for a national small business benefits practice where she helps entrepreneurs

navigate employee benefits to stay competitive in hiring and retention. With a leadership style rooted in empathy and strategy. Amber brings both heart and hustle to her work. Balancing career, home life, motherhood, and [00:01:00] mentorship with purpose and passion. Amber, welcome to the show. Thanks, man. Well, we are doing this series where we're talking to women who've been through the thread and just hearing about their experience. And you are a woman in leadership for a large company. How many people work for your organization? Ooh.

Amber Bartemeo: We're getting, I think, close to 3000 nationwide.

Audra Dinell: Yeah.

Amber Bartemeo: Yeah. Big group and yeah. So we're excited to

Audra Dinell: like dive in and talk all things today. Yeah. Okay. Thank you. Yep.

Amber's Journey to Leadership
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Audra Dinell: Take us back to pre-read. Tell us what brought you to the thread. What specifically were you looking for? Kind of like paint us a picture.

Amber Bartemeo: Yeah, yeah, absolutely. So I think before I joined the thread, I was really just feeling super stagnant in my career. Felt like I had a lot more to offer here at the company and just also wanted to. Get a better understanding of me. I was just feeling kind of lost and kind of flailing a little bit.

I had seen a, a few posts on LinkedIn. It just seemed a little bit different, the thread, right? [00:02:00] This women's leadership thing, it really was interesting just knowing that our story is women is just a little bit different than. Maybe just general leadership and seeing that kind of unique spot was really exciting.

There were a couple of other girls that had gone through it that I had known and they were raving about it, and I was just really excited to kind of get in and engage and see how it could help me develop me. I actually, in preparing for this podcast, I went back and I looked at my notebook that we had with a thread and.

The mission statement that we wrote down or our intention, right. And my intention was to learn more about myself and figure out where I truly want to go in life. How can I be more amber? Hmm. And I just really feel like that's exactly what it did. It made me feel a little bit more secure and knowing that that definition changes.

But yeah, that's where I was at. And so really wanted to take that next step and just invest in myself.

Audra Dinell: Oh, I love that. [00:03:00] I love that you wanted to feel more yourself. Yeah. I mean, what a beautiful goal, and I feel like we're always hearing about be your best self or hit your next level. Yeah, and I totally get that, but to just want to be more you and know who that is, I feel like is just.

So authentic.

Amber Bartemeo: Yeah.

Balancing Motherhood and Career
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Amber Bartemeo: And I think it also, I mean, I had, oh, I was 22, so I had about a 1-year-old when I first started a 5-year-old. And so I had really littles super young, and I just felt really like. Drain not drained, that's not the right word, because it's really fulfilling to be a mom. But also just you put all of yourself into that and trying to understand how I could, you know, pull myself back and have something that was separate than just being their mom.

As fulfilling as that is.

Audra Dinell: Yeah, maybe like stretched. Yeah. Yeah. That's perfect. I think about me when I was. In that season of motherhood with a 1-year-old, and it just felt like, yeah, my brain was stretched to capacity at all times.

Amber Bartemeo: Yeah. And [00:04:00] you're just pouring everything into trying to be a good mom, going from one to two.

Right. That's a big change. And just, you know, just trying to understand. How does Amber show up and how can I be a better version of myself in every facet as opposed to just really hyper focusing on being a good mom because I can be a good mom. Mm-hmm. You know, you got a year under your belt.

Okay. I am feeling a little bit better about that, but how do I show up for everybody else now? The ways maybe I used to and, and just different adjustments. So were you

Audra Dinell: with the same organization before you became a parent? Yes. Okay. So you were on your track, you were with this organization.

Feeling Stuck and Seeking Growth
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Audra Dinell: Were you feeling stuck or stagnant then, or was it just like over the course of like you started with the organization, had your two kids, and now you're one year into having two kids and working for the same organization and feeling like, Ugh, I just need something.

Yeah, I think it's that kind of.

Amber Bartemeo: Bounce ball, bouncing ball back and forth, right? You start a career you're kind of putting your [00:05:00] investment into that feeling good about it. Come back from maternity leave, really start digging in, doing a little bit more, and then, oh, hey, we're gonna go back out on maternity leave.

then you come back and you, you try and make it all work and like you just do the best you can with the tools you have. But then it just, it just didn't feel like it was quite enough. It just felt like I was still. I don't know. Lost again, not the right word, but just not quite right.

Audra Dinell: Yeah.

Amber Bartemeo: Yeah.

Audra Dinell: Like I, I do like the analogy stuck, or not the analogy. I like the word stuck. I think many of us hit points in our life where it's like, everything's going good. There's nothing negative to complain about. Yeah. But yet there's just this feeling of more, or. More authentic or more aligned? Just yeah, there's just a feeling of like, okay,

Amber Bartemeo: yeah, just where I want to be a better version of myself.

Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.

Amber Bartemeo: And be proud of what that is to show my daughters specifically at that [00:06:00] point that. You know, you can do a lot of really hard things and you can do a lot of really cool things at the same time, and you can do them all feeling like yourself. You don't have to always feel drained.

Audra Dinell: Okay.

Challenges and Learnings in Leadership
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Audra Dinell: So what are some challenges you face and learnings you can share as a woman in leadership? And I guess I want to also say I do kind of dislike when we talk about women in leadership because it's like we're leaders. Yeah. Like we don't have to qualify as Yeah. I'm a woman leader. Right. And at the same time.

I do think there are specific challenges or perspectives or situations that women face differently sometimes Sure. In the workforce. So I just wanna sort of like share that, that women in leadership, ugh. Yeah. And. There's a place to talk about it.

Amber Bartemeo: I mean, I think that we all have different things that make us unique though, right?

So yeah, women in leadership, it feels like it has this negative cliche [00:07:00] to it that it's like, Ugh, gosh. We're talking about how hard it is to be a woman again. I, again, like you wanna challenge that, but I also think that we as individuals have different perspectives that we bring to it, and I think it's important to not identify, but really acknowledge those different perspectives.

Thinking like, Hey, a parent has a different perspective in the workforce than maybe someone who doesn't have a family that relies on them at home. Or someone who is taking care of an elder or like a disabled parent or something like. That has a different perspective than someone like me who has a young family at home.

I mean, there's so many different beautiful things that we can all bring to the conversation. And I think that owning our differences is really important. Not everyone's the same. And I think that that's where I, I have it written down, but later. One of the things that I really look to is just that you can learn something from everybody.

Mm-hmm. And understanding [00:08:00] their different perspectives gives you a whole new grasp on reality, which I think can be so beautiful.

Audra Dinell: Yeah. Such a gift. So what learnings have you had?

The Importance of Finding Your People
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Amber Bartemeo: I think the biggest one is finding your people and leaning in on them.

Mm-hmm. That was something I think that I learned most deliberately with the thread, is just really building that network. It's really easy to feel alone matter what you're doing and even as a leader, right, because you have different expectations. People look to you for different, thought processes are, you know, they look to you to lead them in the direction that you think that they should go.

And you're held to a different standard sometimes, and so it can feel very alone. just knowing that you do have other people that really care about you and building that, that group of people that you can lean back into. So whether that's women or in your neighborhood or people within your church or, or whatever the case is, your family.

Just really leaning into them and knowing that it's okay to ask for help.

Audra Dinell: Hmm. Okay. So why do you think finding your people [00:09:00] has been so important? Oh

Amber Bartemeo: you can't do it alone. Yeah. Yeah. It's, it's so. You know, life is hard. Mm-hmm. No matter which way you look at it and you need to. Open up yourself to allow other people to support you so you can be the best version of yourself, right?

If you continue to wanna do everything yourself and be the only one responsible for your success, you're not going to be as successful and get to enjoy it nearly as much as if you have a group of people rooting you on.

Audra Dinell: Yeah, it just feels different to have, I think someone help carry your highs and lows.

Right? Yeah. I mean, we talk a lot about challenges and learnings. I mean also to have someone to call and celebrate right before the podcast. Yeah. We had a another threat alum come in and share some cool news. Okay. You know, about, a situation she just had.

Amber Bartemeo: Yeah.

Audra Dinell: And it's just fun to like have someone to share.

Like, yeah, hey, I worked really hard and I bought a new car. And yeah. You know, I mean, just [00:10:00] like feels good to not just carry the emotional, mental weight of life. Um mm-hmm.

Amber Bartemeo: Yeah. Because those things, like buying a new car is so exciting. Yeah. Right. Um, And being able to have someone else be just as excited for you is.

I don't know. There's something so fulfilling to having other people,

Audra Dinell: Celebrate you. Mm-hmm. I know there really is, and I think sometimes as. Women and we're generalizing a little bit. Sure. So I wanna acknowledge that. But sometimes, you know, you're like, oh, don't, don't celebrate me. Or, you know, you're, you know, we're don't

Amber Bartemeo: wanna be the center of attention.

Yes. And it feels very vain to wanna be the center of attention. Yeah.

Audra Dinell: But when you have those people in your life that are just really, truly rooting for you, you can feel it. And it's, it's different. It's different. And same with challenges, like people to help you help carry your challenges. You're having a hard conversation next week.

Yeah. And having a friend check in on you and say, Hey. Thinking about, you know, that conversation's coming up this week. Right. You know, [00:11:00] it just feels like, okay, I can do this. I have support.

Amber Bartemeo: Yeah. And just knowing that you have someone to talk to about that hard conversation, you know, maybe bounce the ideas off of you can, you know, theoretically show up in a, that conversation is a better, show up better because you've had practice almost.

Audra Dinell: Yeah. So what about challenges? Are there any challenges, like if you could name one challenge that you feel like you've faced as a woman in leadership, what would you.

Overcoming Self-Doubt
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Audra Dinell: Yeah, I think

Amber Bartemeo: the big thing is just that self doubt.

Audra Dinell: Mm.

Amber Bartemeo: That's such a huge hurdle for me to overcome.

It's one of those saboteurs that just keeps rearing its ugly head, just not feeling like I'm supposed to be in that room, not feeling like I should get that promotion. Feeling like I deserve to participate in that program. Just different things like that. Something that I have to actively work and remind myself that, Hey, no, I deserve this.

I've worked my butt off to get here. Um. And I can do really cool things in this room [00:12:00] by being a part of them. That was, I think one of the big conversations in our cohort during one of the workshops was just feeling worthy of being in that room and knowing, hey, you might be surrounded by people that are killing it, maybe even ahead of you by years, decades even, right?

But just knowing that you still deserve to be in that room because that perspective that you bring is still unique and amazing.

Audra Dinell: Mm. I like to, even when I'm struggling with self-doubt, think about, well, what would I tell my kids? Would I tell my kids they don't belong here or they shouldn't get this or Right.

What would I, and I've got two little boys, so it's not. That doesn't always connect with me. So sometimes I think about, well, what would I tell my best friend if she was in this situation? Yeah. Or one of my teammates would I say, oh no, don't apply for that program. You're not really an emerging leader. Or, you know, right.

No, of course not. Right. I would be like, go for it. You're shoot

Amber Bartemeo: for the stars. You never know. Yeah. Yeah. something that I continue to go back and look at. Having two girls. [00:13:00] I know that I can say all of the encouraging words I want to, but they're looking at what I'm actually doing. The things that I actually tell myself, the way I show up in conversations, the way I talk about my opportunities them, that's what they're taking.

That's what they're retaining and going to move forward with in life.

Audra Dinell: Yeah. It's wild how much kids pick up. I mean, I just, it blows my mind. Yeah. When I see something in them, it's the little things like when I read books, if it's a business or development book, like I'll be highlighting with a pen. One day I saw my 8-year-old like highlighting his like diary of one be kid book with a pen, right?

And it's just these, I know it's not so cute, but I'm just like, oh my gosh, I've never told him. I'm highlighting these things because I want to remember them or go back to them. But he just, kids just pick up so much of who we. Are and what we do. [00:14:00] Yeah. More even so I think than what we say.

Amber Bartemeo: Yeah.

It's the unintentional things that we're doing that they see clearest. Yeah. And, ugh, that's super scary to think about.

Audra Dinell: It's scary. It's convicting, it's scary. And it's also like sort of reminds me to step up to the plate again and again and again. Yeah. Even especially when I fail.

Amber Bartemeo: And that's the thing too, right? Is that saboteur of not being good enough stems from, okay, I made a mistake, right? But being able to go back and try again is also super important. Not only as a parent, but just even in my role a leader, is just knowing that, hey, I am only human as a mom. I'm only human, and I'm still learning.

Mm-hmm. My parents always like to joke. would be a lot easier if there was a handbook as a parent to tell you what to do. Right. Right. In all these different situations and there's not, and there's not really a handbook As much as we would like to create different leadership classes and, and. Guidelines [00:15:00] and all of that.

There's really no handbook for everything, right? It's just a matter of continuing to try and feel what works best for you and see what, sticks. And maybe I'm gonna adjust it a little bit next time because it wasn't the exact outcome I wanted to, and that's okay. Yeah. It's okay that I'm still learning

Audra Dinell: and work on that self-doubt.

Build up that muscle and get people around you who will help encourage you. Yeah, exactly. Mm-hmm. Okay. So. For you, knowing you, it feels like you really bring yourself to the table in a way that is authentic and beautiful in your home life, in your leadership, just in the spaces I've seen you occupy, you're just really good at being you.

Amber Bartemeo: Oh, thanks.

Audra Dinell: How do you apply some of those learnings in other areas of your life?

Amber Bartemeo: I mean, going back to my daughters and thinking about them. Anytime I show up in a situation, I'm thinking about, Hey, would they be proud of me with how I reacted or how I supported this person? If that answer is yes, then you know [00:16:00] what?

I can deal with Anything else. Maybe I said something a little stupid. Maybe I made the wrong inflection in what I was stating, but are they going to be proud that I showed up and tried? We were talking about me recording this podcast this morning. And my girls, I was like, you know, guys, I'm so nervous. I was like, Audra is incredible.

I just, I want to not look stupid. I don't want to say the wrong thing and all of that. And my girls were like, you can do it mama. You're gonna do amazing. I know you can do it. And gosh, man, just knowing that no matter what I said today. It was gonna be enough, right? So I think that that's where it helps me show up to be authentic.

Just knowing that, love me for who I am and not everyone is going to love me for who I am, but knowing that I feel most myself makes it to where regardless of the reaction that I get, I'm going to feel [00:17:00] good because I get to go home and know that my girls would be proud of me and my family, you know?

Audra Dinell: hmm.

Amber Bartemeo: And, and

Audra Dinell: you get to tell them, Hey, I had the podcast today and it was so much fun. You know, I think that's a really great way to keep showing up. And if you don't have daughters or sons, if you're not a parent Yeah. You know, it's like maybe it's your partner or maybe it's even like your younger self.

I often think like, Ooh, I love that. What would my 18-year-old self, you know, think about if she could look into a room and get a ten second glimpse at me in this situation, what would she think? And that she's killing it. That's what motivates me. What she'd think. Oh, well, thank you. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, most of us would, would probably say that like, oh, okay, yeah, my 18-year-old self would be like.

Amber Bartemeo: Okay. You're doing good, but you're so right. I mean, looking back and thinking about the things that were worrying me when I was 18 years old, and the cool things that I get to do now, I mean, how cool would it be to have that conversation with your 18-year-old self to say like, Hey, [00:18:00] we're doing good.

Hmm.

Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm. I have Roosevelt's man in the arena. Quote. Yeah. On my wall. It's one of my favorite quotes. And I think that just really encourages me to keep showing up, especially when I fail, because it's like, if you're gonna be in the arena, aka if you're gonna be trying for something, if you're going to be aiming to grow mm-hmm.

If you have ambitions of any sort, and it could be professional ambitions, it could be. Even ambitions as a parent mm-hmm. Of I wanna raise kids who are, you know, kind and independent, whatever it is. Right. It's like you're gonna fail at it. But it's like if you are in the arena, like you're trying, you're giving it, giving it your best and what's the other option?

To like be on the sidelines and not be in the arena and to be commenting about someone in the arena. Right. It just always reminds me like it, it's okay. Like you owe this to yourself. You owe this to yourself to. Get in that arena and give it a go. Yeah. And when you fail, get up and do it again. Right?

Amber Bartemeo: You're gonna fail if you don't try [00:19:00] no matter what. Right. As long as you're putting in some sort of effort, you're going to win, whether that's actually winning the situation or learning from it to be better the next time.

Audra Dinell: Yeah.

Amber Bartemeo: I completely agree

Audra Dinell: with that.

Tools for Resilience and Authenticity
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Audra Dinell: How, what are your tools on, like, thinking about self-doubt and challenges and your daughters in showing up, what, what tools do you personally use when it comes to those failures?

Amber Bartemeo: Grit, determination. You just have to right? Sometimes. What is that corny thing? Fake it till you make it, right? Mm-hmm. You might be super, super sad about something and really discouraged, but taking that next step forward is all you can do one step at a time.

Right. You cross that bridge as it comes, as opposed to trying to overanalyze every piece of it. Learn your lesson right. Look at the pieces. What could I have done differently? What can I do better? But don't dwell in the past, you

Audra Dinell: gotta move forward. Mm-hmm. One of the women who was in our very first cohort Yeah.

[00:20:00] Changed my thinking on Fake it till you make it. Yeah. She would say, face it until you make it. Mm-hmm. I like that a lot better. Isn't that so good? Mm-hmm. Because it's like, you're right. I mean, you're facing it, even if it's messy, but it's like one step at a time. Yeah. Until you get it done or become that thing.

Amber Bartemeo: Yeah. And it changes the, the concept of. Faking it. Right. That makes you feel inauthentic because

Audra Dinell: you don't have to fake anything. If you're doing it, you're doing it right. Right. You're facing it. Like if you're putting yourself in the room, even with doubt, right. You're still. Facing that scary meeting, you're still facing that.

Yeah. Podcast you've never done.

Amber Bartemeo: And you can own that, those nerves, you can own that uncertainty in certain instances. Right. And I think that also can help you feel a little bit better about it being authentically you as opposed to it.

Audra Dinell: Feeling fake. Yeah. Feeling like someone else.

Yeah. I also, when I hear grit and resilience, think about the idea of really trying to, like, I heard this phrase [00:21:00] recently, boss around your emotions. Yeah. And you know, we're all gonna have. Feelings when we fail, whether it be embarrassment, anger doubt, guilt, whatever it is. But to just kind of like take those feelings and, and feel them not, not saying stuff 'em, stuff 'em in and just move on.

But it's like also be like, okay, yes, I feel sad that this effort failed and.

Amber Bartemeo: It can be an and

Audra Dinell: and I'm going to choose these actions and do them even if I'm sad.

Amber Bartemeo: Yeah, absolutely. I think making sure that you feel, how you feel is important. It's really easy in today's society and like even in corporate America to not be shamed, but emotions are a negative thing.

Right. And I, I. Adamantly disagree with that. I think that emotions can be important. You have to be thoughtful with how you express your emotions. But I think [00:22:00] emotions are super important and you have to feel them. So you can again, show up to be who you are, that authentic version of yourself in that moment for the people that you work with.

Audra Dinell: I always tell my kids, and I think I got this from Dr. Becky with Good inside, I always say. All feelings are welcome, all behaviors are not. Yeah. I am sure I got that from good inside, Dr. Becky. But I also think about that when I'm thinking about like me and my, my failures and like, okay, all feelings are okay.

You feel X, Y, and Z about this, but how you behave, the resilience and grit you demonstrate through your next action, that is what matters. Yeah. And that is not necessarily gonna be dictated by feelings. Yeah.

Final Thoughts and Encouragement
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Audra Dinell: Any parting thoughts for other women who are listening to this podcast, and maybe they also work for a company of your size and they want to get into leadership, or they're in leadership and they're just facing a challenging time, or maybe they're lonely or not feeling [00:23:00] like themselves or feeling stuck.

Any other thoughts?

Amber Bartemeo: Yeah,

I mean, push the envelope. Challenge yourself. I think that me reaching out to participate in the thread was getting a little outside of my comfort zone in the best way. And just again, tapping into those people, having those, those real conversations with the people that you surround yourself with

you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with something like that, that quote, I think that it's really important to surround yourself with people who are going to help propel you forward if that's what your goal is, and just know that you're enough, no matter how many mistakes you make, however many times you have to readjust your values or your.

Goals and, and all of that. Just know that you're enough. Know that you can surround yourself with really incredible people and push yourself to do the hard thing, the scary thing.

Audra Dinell: Hmm. I think that's what's so cool about being in a room full of women who value growth, is that you do [00:24:00] normalize that everyone feels.

Doubt at times. We have some really amazing speakers and teachers that come in and they will often share their stories of self-doubt. And you're like, wait, this president of what organization? Yeah. Battles doubt. You've

Amber Bartemeo: gotta be kidding me. There's no way you should doubt yourself. Right, right.

Audra Dinell: And it just, I think it just helps us normalize that.

It's like, okay, maybe I am at this point in my career and this person who's coming in and teaching. Me is at this further down the road point that I aspire to get to. And she still battles this. Like it just helps you like give yourself permission of like, okay,

Amber Bartemeo: yeah,

Audra Dinell: she has challenges and I do too. And she got there one step at a time and like I can do it too.

Yeah.

Amber Bartemeo: And

Audra Dinell: it's okay. Yeah.

Amber Bartemeo: I really love that. That was, I think, going back to my threat experience and even with the alumni participation that I've gotten to be involved in and the amazing workshops you guys continue to put together. [00:25:00] Being able to surround myself with those types of incredible women is just absolutely phenomenal because to your point.

Seeing other people have real feelings and, and stressors and challenges and the self-doubt and all of that, it makes you feel a lot more like you can do it.

Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.

Amber Bartemeo: When everything else is just feeling very

Audra Dinell: impossible. You are also an incredible woman in that room, so I'm so glad you're a part of the community.

Amber Bartemeo: You are so sweet.

Audra Dinell: Thank you for being here today. This was amazing. Thank you so much. So if you are listening and you're interested in exploring the thread, we start Cohort 10 in the fall, fall of 2025. You can visit our website at thethreadwichita.com and check out dates and investment and all the details.

If you have any questions, feel free to DM us on social. We're at the thread WLC. Otherwise, we will see you back next [00:26:00] week.