A LOT with Audra

Ep36
===

Audra Dinell: [00:00:00] Welcome to a lot with Audra, the podcast for women who've been told they're too much or have ever felt like it. Here, we believe that your "a lot" is your superpower, and we're all about helping you own it.

Discovering Emotional Intelligence
---

Audra Dinell: Today with our guest, we're diving into the skill that changed everything for me.

What is that skill you might ask? Eq, emotional intelligence. Okay, so back when I worked for other people, I was in a position and got asked by the owner of the small business I worked for to take an emotional intelligence test, and I was super offended and kind of laughed it off and called my mentor my dad at the time and said.

Can you believe this? She's asking me to take an emotional intelligence test. I'm extremely emotional and I'm very intelligent, and I'm gonna ace this test. And he just kind of laughed and said, just take the test. So I took the test and learned that I was just extremely [00:01:00] averagely, emotional, intelligent.

In fact, there are four quadrants that we'll talk about today that I didn't even know existed as real skills you could build on. So I took this information and I found a program that would help me build my emotional intelligence, and really that program was the inspiration to help me start the thread.

So we're gonna talk to Nikki today, and she's gonna tell us all about this skill that you can implement in your life as well. Let's get into it.

Meet Nikki Beyrle
---

Audra Dinell: Nikki Beyrle is an accomplished HR executive with over 15 years of experience turning bold strategies into meaningful real world results. Known for her energy, vision, and ability to inspire action.

Nikki brings a dynamic blend of innovation and operational expertise to every organization and initiative she touches. Currently serving as the Chief HR officer at LDF companies. Nikki leads all ld. Nikki leads [00:02:00] all HR strategy and operations across the organization. Prior to LDF, she held leadership roles in several Fortune 500 companies.

In addition to our corporate leadership, Nikki is deeply involved in shaping the future of HR and the beverage industry at the national level. She serves on the Advisory Council for BREW with the NBWA and is a member of the Alliance for Women in Beer, and created a coast to coast HR resource group for beverage distributors.

Nikki also gives back to her profession as a professor for undergraduate and graduate level courses at Wichita State University when she's not leading change or mentoring future leaders. Nikki enjoyed building businesses alongside her husband, watching her kiddos play sports, traveling and managing the beautiful chaos of family life.

Nikki, welcome. Aw, thank you. So happy to have you. I'm so happy to be here.

The Journey of The Thread
---

Audra Dinell: You are the first speaker for the thread. Y. Yeah. And it's been a couple years now. It's been five [00:03:00] years in two days. In two days. We celebrate five, five years in business.

Nikki Beyrle: That's incredible.

Audra Dinell: I know,

Nikki Beyrle: and I honestly, I remember the first time I walked into the thread and how excited you were and just.

The energy of the women in the room and now being still being a speaker for you all. It's incredible to watch just how much the threat has unfolded

Audra Dinell: and I couldn't

Nikki Beyrle: be more proud.

Audra Dinell: Well, thank you. You're welcome. And thank you for just being the first one to jump in and say, yes, I'll do this.

Nikki Beyrle: I remember when we went to have drinks.

And you were so excited about the thread. And before then, I had a friend of mine that said, you have to meet Audra. You all are cut from the same cloth. And I remember walking in and having drinks and before walking out we were Facebook friends, Instagram friends, and she was absolutely right. You were the kind of person that has an idea and you run with it.

And it was incredibly inspiring for me and I loved that moment. And I loved now, now I love watching it come to life. And you are truly the vision in [00:04:00] action.

Audra Dinell: Well,

Nikki Beyrle: thank you. You're welcome.

Audra Dinell: I also remember that time and remember, you know, when you're building something, you're so excited about it and being so scared also, right?

Mm-hmm. Like it's guided, scared and excited, and I had totally intended on leading like the first. Workshop for cohort one all by myself and got to a point where I was like, oh my gosh, I just can't. Yeah. I need someone. And you were that someone, so yay.

Nikki Beyrle: Oh, thank you. Thank you. And I was so honored and I still am.

And. Hard to believe five years later. You know, we've, we've changed a lot. I changed a lot and we've gone in different directions and at the same time, it brings me such joy to come in and be involved in what you're doing in the community.

Understanding Emotional Intelligence
---

Audra Dinell: You have been teaching emotional intelligence.

It's one of our workshops to the thread for several. Different cohorts and it always gets really, really high marks. Women love learning this skill, and for some like me, this is the skill that they realize can change everything for them, [00:05:00] can help them have the impact that they want, if they can just recognize where they fall.

On this emotional intelligence spectrum and grow. You've led in hr, you've built a business, you've spoken to countless audiences. How has emotional intelligence shown up in those roles?

Nikki Beyrle: Yeah. You know, great question. It honestly has been the constant thread that has really helped to catapult my career.

I have had to learn throughout my career, throughout all of these experiences to bring my authentic self to life. And one of those ways to do that or be careful with that is because I am so. Sometimes so bold and courageous and ambitious, or a lot as you like to say.

Being able to recognize my environments I'm in and energy I bring to the table is important. I have to be a little bit cautious and. Be mindful [00:06:00] of this world out there right now is like, be who you are and go out there and, and just be yourself.

And if they accept you, that's great. If they don't, so what and I, I have to caution people a little bit with that because there's also different environments and that's one of the things we'll talk about is there's these different environments that you know, for you to be most effective or for me to be most effective.

I have to be mindful of who I am and being genuine, but also understanding the environments I'm in.

Audra Dinell: Yeah, I love that and agree that that's not the message we're hearing a lot in pop culture today. The way I describe it is I know what I can turn the dial on my volume all the way up. ~Yes. And just. Be all the things.~

~Mm-hmm. ~And I also know when it is in my best interest to turn the volume slightly down so that I achieve what I have set out to achieve in whatever space I'm in.

Nikki Beyrle: Gosh, that's so good. I love the the volume up and the [00:07:00] volume down. And you're absolutely right. In today's pop culture we hear a lot of buzzwords.

And I know you and I have talked about this which is why I bring it up. Words like, you know, these are my boundaries.

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: And these are my triggers at the same time, when you put those walls up and you say, these are my boundaries and these are my triggers, it can cause you maybe not to be as effective or impactful in certain situations.

And also, we're constantly growing and so boundaries and triggers today, which are the buzzwords. Might look different tomorrow.

Bryan: Mm.

Nikki Beyrle: And so, yeah, I think EQ is one of those things that just will continue to be an evolving skillset because we will ever continue to evolve.

Audra Dinell: Yeah, I agree. And it's like you're always the same station on the radio, right?

Yeah. And that's where the, the Turning It app and turning it down or turning it off for a bit, or, you know, commercial break. I don't know all the things you could say come into play. When did you personally first realize that EQ was actually a [00:08:00] power skill for leadership in life? And I emphasize power skill, right?

Because traditionally it's called soft skills and we know that soft skills comes from actually hard skills come from like military world. Mm-hmm. Where it's like hard skills, were actually like working on equipment and machinery, but soft skills are everything else. And so. Emotional intelligence got this label soft skill.

But I mean, there are studies showing that it is actually a skill that is going to be a determining factor of your success. Mm-hmm. So we're trying to rebrand them as power skills. I love it. Okay. So when did you first learn eq EQ as a power scale? Yeah,

Nikki Beyrle: so actually I love that you brought that up, that it is a power skill and, you know, working with the individuals that I do, I recognize that, the high performers are usually incredibly gifted in this area. Statistics would show that 90% of people who have high I EQ [00:09:00] actually do really well in their organizations. And so, when I think about my experience, you know, I started my profession, or I started in the business world 20 plus years ago, and back in that day it wasn't really even called eq.

Mm-hmm. It was just called You're good with people.

So when I moved from Wichita, Kansas to Providence, Rhode Island, I remember going to apply for this restaurant and it was a high like. Classy, one of the best in Providence, Rhode Island.

It was a fantastic restaurant with all that the power players in town would come to and all of the celebrities and the celebrities kids, because they all went to to Brown University, they would all come and they would eat at this restaurant. And I remember going into the restaurant and applying, and at that point I had ever only ever worked at Pizza Hut.

And so I remember going into this like very classy restaurant and [00:10:00] saying, I'd like to apply to be a server and a bartender for your restaurant. And he looked at my application, I still remember it, and he's like, you worked at Pizza Hut in Kansas? And I said I, yes, and I'm really excited because I want to work here.

And I don't know how, but they hired me and I became a bartender and a server. And I'll tell you that that job catapulted me for my entire career.

Bryan: Mm.

Nikki Beyrle: I had to learn how to read people. I had to learn how to handle myself under stress.

Mm-hmm. I had to be able to multitask. And it was that role that, number one, I'm, it helped me to realize that people were, that's my passion, and number two, it helped me to navigate situations quickly and be able to read people quickly and then be able to adjust my style to be the most effective.

And so, years later, I always laugh. I'm like, why the heck did he hire me?

Audra Dinell: [00:11:00] But it worked out. You have to write him a letter and say, Hey, this catapulted, you know, you gave this. Teenage college student.

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: Yeah. And I, maybe it was how I referenced the cheese sticks that I was so passionate about.

Could be, maybe, could be, I don't know. But oh my God, that's I would tell anyone that for me being a server and bartender was one of the. Best catapults to be able to practice people skills, now known as emotional intelligence.

Audra Dinell: Yeah. You were doing it before you even knew there was like a formalized way to do it.

Mm-hmm. Okay. So if people are hearing this and they're like, you know, I don't know how emotionally intelligent I am, what is a tool that they could use to go figure that out before we kind of dive into what it is, why it matters, and the core skills of it.

Nikki Beyrle: Yeah, so tools that can be utilized for emotional intelligence.

I use talent, smarts the book quite a bit. They have an assessment that people can take regarding emotional intelligence and then take it with a grain of salt. [00:12:00] Any assessment, I would tell someone to take it with a grain of salt. And just to kind of gauge and start to understand what are the four quadrants of emotional intelligence, and then go from there.

Audra Dinell: Okay, so give us an overview. What is emotional intelligence? And let's talk about that, those four quadrants.

Nikki Beyrle: So emotional intelligence is the ability to be able to navigate both yourself and then bring your best self to the table. Navigate the situation, so understanding what's happening and then being able to have great relationships.

So those four quadrants self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.

Self-Awareness and Emotional Intelligence
---

Audra Dinell: So give us an overview kind of, of each self-awareness is the foundation, like how does one personally practice being self-aware if they're trying to increase their emotional intelligence?

Nikki Beyrle: I mean, so when I used to teach this, it used to be a two day class and the first day and a half was all about self.

Because we are the hardest people to manage. And we also have blind spots. Mm-hmm. [00:13:00] And so I would spend a lot of time diving into who you are. Mm-hmm. And you know what? We are all made up of our experience, our exposures, and our education. And that is our makeup. And that helps to define also who we are.

And that's the most important before you dive into the three other quadrants. 'cause understanding who you are and your experiences and your exposures and that education. Will help them to navigate how then you manage yourself and how you bring yourself to social situations. And then maybe sometimes struggles with relationships depending on, or, or positive things.

Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: Depending on your experiences that you maybe haven't had in the past.

Audra Dinell: Yeah. I think at the thread we do a really great job of deep diving into self-awareness, not just in the emotional intelligence workshop, but this is a, yeah. Large look at like, who am I in this season? What's my purpose, et cetera.

So I love to hear that in that two days you spent [00:14:00] so much time on self-awareness because it's not something I think we were taught growing up. Yeah, and it's. Work that we have to squeeze into our already full lives. But when you do this work, and it's not like a check the box work, right? Like it's a deep work that's gonna last your lifetime because you're gonna shift and change in seasons.

Yeah. But it's just the foundation doing this work of knowing who you are. Including all the things you mentioned, your experience and your history and where you come from.

Nikki Beyrle: You're absolutely right. And it's, to your point and what you just mentioned, it is changing and it's ever evolving and so it's constant.

And it's constantly looking internal and being like, you know what? I had a different experience, so maybe I'm a, I'm different and I'm growing differently.

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: And we grow and we evolve as people. Which means then certain situations or certain experiences or certain environments we may have grown beyond.

Audra Dinell: Yeah.

Nikki Beyrle: Or we show up differently.

Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: And I think emotional intelligence is one of those things that. Will ever be [00:15:00] a thing to work on.

Audra Dinell: So if someone wants to become more self-aware, what's one way they could

Nikki Beyrle: do it? You know, I think sitting with a notebook and starting to just write down words that you think describe you.

Bryan: Mm.

Nikki Beyrle: And that's just one way, right? Like that's just because that's one sided. That's you sitting down and writing who you think you are. Take the assessments, but don't live and die by assessments.

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: Talk to people that you're really close to.

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: They may experience you differently than how you like to say that you are or, or believe that you are.

And that's a great way also to identify, like if I'm, say that I'm bold, no one sees me, quote unquote, being bold. Am I really bold? Yeah. And so I think talking to people that you're really close to that have the best intention at heart

Bryan: mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: Is important as well. So there's just some, I would say spend time with a notebook, writing down who you think you are, number two, with some assessments doing as many assessments as you can, and then asking the people [00:16:00] that you love.

That love you the most?

Audra Dinell: Whenever I have moved, I have sent out an email to my friends and people in my life. When I left Fort Collins, Colorado and we moved to Honolulu, Hawaii I sent out email to some of my dear coworkers, some of my friends. And my family members even that were not physically with me in that season.

And I asked them questions. I said, what do you think I'm really good at? What do you think I don't see about myself? Like what are my weak spots? What are my blind spots? And what do you wish I would know? And I didn't get all the emails back, but those that I did get back were life changing. So that's just one practice.

You don't have to be leaving somewhere to do it. That's just a time that like kind of flagged in my brain to, to do that. But I. Still have those emails to this day and still remember a piece of advice I got from a friend that impacted the way I did everything. I also love in our workshops where you have us do this [00:17:00] exercise, and I think this could be applicable to listeners if they're trying to do some self-awareness work to start where they do what you said they, we get a notebook.

And write down all the things that we think we are, and you have us pick a few of those and you have us look at them as. Sort of both sides of the coin. So if I say I am a visionary, or let's take your example. If I say I am bold, you know, what's the best thing that can come from that? Mm-hmm. Well, I take action.

I'm innovative, I'm a change maker. I can change the world. I stand up for those who can't stand up for themselves. But then the other side of the coin. Is the part too, to look at and become more self-aware of, this is something I love about myself. This is a strength. Well, where can my boldness get me in trouble sometimes?

Yes. Oh, your, your strength on fire. Yes. Yes. Strength on fire is what you say. And I just think that's [00:18:00] really, like when I did the visionary one, I thought, oh great. You know, visionary is also kind of a buzzword right now. Mm-hmm. And so I'm like, oh, visionary, here's all the good things about it. But what are the.

Tricky sides about being Yeah. More of a future focused person. Well, I struggle to stay present. Mm-hmm. I struggle to execute on the things that need to be done today that I'm already bored with because I'm thinking about the bigger things I wanna do in the future. Yeah. So, that exercise was really helpful and in our workshops is continues to be really helpful to women to hone in on that self-awareness piece.

Nikki Beyrle: Yeah. I, that's honestly one of my absolute favorite parts of when we do the workshop. And I think number one, to watch light bulbs come on for people to, honestly, because in our culture this is who I am and we say words and we're very positive about those words. And then to be able to reframe it and look at it a little bit differently I think is so beneficial.

And then honestly being okay with both sides.

Audra Dinell: Yeah.

Nikki Beyrle: Being able to [00:19:00] say, you know what, I am incredibly visionary sometimes details. E, but, but then you take it a step further, right? Yeah.

Building Whole-Brain Teams
---

Nikki Beyrle: And I think about then building teams, and this is what I teach in my with my HR team, but also in other places is just because.

Someone else isn't visionary, doesn't mean they're quote unquote wrong. It means holy smokes, I need to sit down next to them and we need to collaborate because we are now a whole brain and we're gonna do some really great things together because I have a strength that someone else doesn't and vice versa.

And then you can move forward. And that's where the, at the magic happens is when you can build that whole brain.

Audra Dinell: Yeah. And it all starts with self-awareness. All starts

Nikki Beyrle: with.

Self-Management: Responding vs. Reacting
---

Audra Dinell: Okay, so the second quadrant we talked about in emotional intelligence is self-management. Okay, I'm just gonna out myself. This was the part that I needed to work on the most.

This was my lowest score. So in high stress situations where statistics, I know from you and the [00:20:00] research you've presented show that women in general may have the most room for improvement in this self-management area. So I'm not alone. Mm-hmm. What helps you manage your emotions and respond instead of react?

Yes.

Nikki Beyrle: I am also in your world you know, we are taught that we are who we are, especially in today's pop culture. We are who we are and we're just gonna bring ourselves to the table. then there's these moments where you don't bring your best self to the table.

Bryan: Mm.

Nikki Beyrle: And so I, number one, have to make sure that I'm in a really good place.

And so there are times when I have to take a step back, or I know I'm gonna need a day off so that I can bring my best to the table and be able to manage myself. Mm-hmm. And my emotions.

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: I do a lot of deep breathing. If I'm starting to get heightened, I breathe in, I breathe out, and then I start to ask myself questions.

What am I behaving like I want?

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: [00:21:00] And my second, and we talk about this in the workshop, but. Do I want to win the battle to lose the war?

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: And it's not about a competition, and it's not about winning in the, conversation, it's about collaboration. Mm-hmm. And so for me to be able to have effective relationships, I have to make sure that I'm bringing my best self to the table.

And so listening, breathing in and out, and remembering those couple questions that I just mentioned.

Audra Dinell: And I think a question that I really like that you've said in our workshops before are, what do I want for the relationship? Mm-hmm. Because oftentimes when we're doing self-management, you know, there's, there's a relationship involved.

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Audra Dinell: I mean, I'm also thinking of times when you're driving and someone is acting crazy and you have feelings you have to manage. That's not so much. About the relationship, but I love the question that you ask, what do I want for the relationship? And perhaps you'll get to that when we get to the four fourth quadrant relationship management.

But that has really helped me thinking about, you know, how, how do I want to [00:22:00] behave that shows who I am and what I want, and then what do I want for this relationship and how could I act that way?

Nikki Beyrle: I agree. And I use that honestly, mostly with my family. Mm. 'Cause they're the hardest because you're just Of course, so who you are.

Yes. And I think about it, when I think about how I want a relationship with my husband, or I want a relationship with my kids, is number one. What does that relationship look like? And what do I want that relationship to look like years from, from now?

Audra Dinell: And if so, how would I

Nikki Beyrle: act? How would I manage myself in this situation?

Exactly. Which then. I mean, if you really, sometimes it puts pressure on yourself.

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: Now I will tell you, I'm not perfect all the time. There are times that I'm like, Ooh, opportunity. I don't want them to act like that, and I don't want that kind of relationship. Yeah. But for the most part it's so ingrained now of what do I want for our relationship both now.

How do I wanna model relationships for them and their friends?

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: And what relationship do I want for us 20 years from now?

Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm. [00:23:00]

The Power of Apology and Repair
---

Audra Dinell: Well, and we're human. I mean, we're not perfect. We're human. We're always gonna be human. There's such beauty in that. Mm-hmm. And the skill of repair I talk about and practice so often.

Yes. Oh, I love that.

Nikki Beyrle: And the, the power of the apology. Yeah. Then because we are not perfect and I think. I actually was talking about this yesterday with my cousin, is this strive to be perfect and the strive to continue to practice emotional intelligence and be who we are, but also be perfect in every area, and it's just not gonna happen.

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: And so what a great opportunity to tell and share with your kids when you mess up.

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: And you know what? That's not what I wanted, and that's not how I wanted to act, and that's not how I wanted to bring my best self to. Conversations.

Audra Dinell: Yeah. I remember the skill here for me or the flag was I learned that when I was angry at someone, I would refuse to make eye contact, and that's not something that I like consciously knew.

That was a learned behavior [00:24:00] from childhood that had carried over into adulthood. And when I was in the course and studying emotional intelligence. That came up and I was like, I just remember my face getting hot and just like being like, oh my gosh. Mm-hmm. Like that was just my biggest aha moment. Like, I do not make eye contact if I'm angry with someone.

That is something I can manage. Yeah. That is completely in my control. That's good. To book people, you know, in the eye. Yeah. Whether I, they're my favorite person in the world or my least favorite. Yes. Or I'm happy or I'm angry. Yeah.

Nikki Beyrle: Yeah. I love that. When I struggle with the relationship management, I think I also come back to intent.

Like, what is the intent of my, what do I want?

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: And so it kind of goes back to what is my intent of the conversation? What is my intent of when I'm not happy with someone? Is my intent to hurt them or to help them.

Audra Dinell: Yeah.

Nikki Beyrle: And I think [00:25:00] that's been eyeopening for me as well, is intent tone, having clarity in my words, and that actually like reverts back even to your social awareness, your self-management, and then knowing who you are. Because if you can't do those three things beforehand, you're gonna have to struggle with intent and with clarity and with understanding what your goal is of the conversation.

Audra Dinell: Yeah. And if the

Nikki Beyrle: goal is to win. Then it's not time for me to have that conversation.

Audra Dinell: Yeah. Well, and I think this goes back to like you can be authentic and be on this channel that is you, but you're dialing it up and down again because it's like, okay, I love that. I get to be who I am. I get to show up like that always.

And in this situation, the way I can manage myself best. Like, let's say I'm a person who does need to or want to give some tough feedback. The tone, like you mentioned, self-management is the tone you use, the setting you choose to do [00:26:00] it, the space that you are personally in going in the intent of the conversation.

Those are all ways that you can still be you and maybe say what needs to be said, but use self-management to be more impactful.

Nikki Beyrle: Yeah. And I think it's so important too, of the relationship that you have with the person.

Bryan: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: I think that makes such a difference if your intent, if I'm leading someone and my intent is to make them better and I truly do care about

Bryan: them.

Nikki Beyrle: Mm-hmm. That's gonna come off differently in the conversation than if I do not respect this person, or I really struggle with this individual. And so I have to dial it back a couple times of this person is a human and what are they teaching me?

Bryan: Mm.

Nikki Beyrle: And why is this bothering me so much? ~Oh, so good.~

~And then it comes back to the fantastic trigger word that we use in both culture as well. ~But why is this bothering me? And then spend a lot more time in the first three quadrants before you then have the conversation.

Audra Dinell: Yeah. Okay.

Social Awareness: Reading the Room
---

Audra Dinell: So let's get to the third quadrant, then. The third quadrant is. Relate situation.

Social awareness. [00:27:00] Social awareness, yes. Thank you. So as a speaker, I mean, you speak on big stages all over the country. How do you. Read the room and adapt in the moment. And the reason I reference you being a speaker is because, gosh, that is just like a platform, a literal stage where you have to be reading the room.

All eyes are on you. Not everyone is in that situation. But I think hearing from you and your experience on how you read the room can help us when we're struggling in a social setting.

Nikki Beyrle: Yeah.

So

Nikki Beyrle: I think the first thing is. Being completely genuine. And what I have found is when I step on that stage or I go to speak, is being genuine and also recognizing that I'm learning from the audience just as much as they're learning from me.

And because we're all growing and that includes me. And so being genuine would be number one. I think having a curiosity and watching the room. Watching [00:28:00] how, what the body language looks like. Are people making eye contact? Are they leaning in? Are they leaning out? Are they laughing at appropriate times?

I think those are the two biggest is just having a sense of genuineness, but also curiosity for, for what's happening in the room.

Audra Dinell: I love that word. Curiosity when it applies to social settings, because it just takes the pressure off.

Mm-hmm.

It just allows you to show up differently in social settings.

I'm thinking about the story you tell about how you aim to raise children who can be, you know, in small town Heartland Friday night lights on the football field with all these people who've known them their whole life. But you also aim to have those same children be able to walk into a fancy restaurant.

New York City, or let's say Providence Room. Oh. And be able to show up in both settings. Yes. Because they have used this skill of social [00:29:00] awareness and curiosity is the way to tap into that.

Nikki Beyrle: Yeah, I, we've talked about that a lot. That's such a passion of mine. We live in Kansas, and they have a community and that community loves them.

They've known kids almost their whole lives. And so that sense of community is really important to me. And to your point, having them be able to then go wherever they go and still feel a sense of just who they are.

Audra Dinell: Because I think it's important for them to be able to take us, it's important for us, our kids and ourselves to be able to take those risks and put ourselves in rooms that we're not used to, rooms that we don't yet know how to act in. And if we can use that skill of emotional intelligence, tapping into that social awareness, looking around.

Yeah. How are people dressed? How are people acting? Not that we again, want to be like coffees of them, but just having the curiosity of what's this space like? It gives us the permission [00:30:00] to step into any room that we wanna be in, if we can be curious.

Nikki Beyrle: Yeah. I think one of my favorite parts of that and spent a lot of time teaching our kids is that everyone has value.

And every experience it has value and understanding the experiences and what value that brings. Mm-hmm. So in rural Kansas, the community is value, and every single person you meet is your teacher in some way. Mm-hmm. And it doesn't matter where they went to school, what their background is, what their education is, what their experiences are.

And so I think that is really the common thread of. Why I want my kids to have these experiences is that there is value everywhere. We bring value, but every single person you meet brings value to. Mm-hmm. And you can learn from every single person. And so that's why the rural Kansas is important to us because that has values that I want to be ingrained in who they.

Going and being able to [00:31:00] go somewhere else and go to these fancy restaurants or have different experiences, has value, and the people you meet have different experiences and exposures in education, which then brings additional value to their experiences. And that then evolves their own self-awareness and their own self understanding.

Because now they're having those different experiences and seeing a bigger world. Yeah. And recognizing that each part of the world. Bring such goodness and some challenges.

Audra Dinell: Mm-hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: But they can help navigate those things.

Audra Dinell: Yeah. Our normal is not everyone's normal.

Relationship Management: Building Trust and Navigating Conflict
---

Audra Dinell: So that brings us to the last skill, relationship management.

As an HR leader, what's your approach to building trust and navigating conflict?

Nikki Beyrle: You know, who I am outside of work is who I am inside of work and. You know, I just talked about values, and I think it's so important for relationship to management to also then value every single person that [00:32:00] you meet because they are human.

Mm-hmm. And they bring something to the table. And so I think that's probably one of my biggest takeaways, is a remembering that each person I talk to has value. They're a mom or a dad, or they're a grandma, or they are valuable to. Society because they are human. And so, I think it's deep down, truly loving people.

And you know, in HR sometimes we have to make challenging decisions and have really hard conversations, but that doesn't mean I don't value or love the individual. Sometimes you have to love people so much that you have to make, help them make really hard decisions.

Audra Dinell: Yeah.

Nikki Beyrle: I have to remember, it isn't about winning. It's about moving forward and. That is so important, especially within relationship management. It's not about the win. Mm-hmm. It's about the collaboration and the ability to continue to move forward. And I think that's honestly why I love my job so much mm-hmm.

Is because I have the opportunity to sit in front of people and [00:33:00] I know that they're valuable people. They sometimes are hurting and they're dealing with really big things and. For me to bring myself to the table that allows them to be hurting and deal with really big things right in front of me.

Audra Dinell: Hmm.

Nikki Beyrle: I learn every day.

Audra Dinell: Okay. So if you could tell every listener one daily practice that she could do to strengthen her eq, what would it be?

Nikki Beyrle: Check yourself before you wreck yourself. All joking aside check in with where you are before you. Check in with the world. We all have patterns.

I usually would tell you that Mondays for me are get it done days. So I might bring myself or check in with the world differently on a Monday than I would on Fridays.

Bryan: Mm.

Nikki Beyrle: Fridays are curiosity and fun and getting ready for the weekend. And so recognizing that I have to make sure that I know where I'm at before I can.[00:34:00]

Bring my best out to the world.

Audra Dinell: Oh, that's so good. Yeah. Because you're gonna walk into the office Monday different than you walk in on Friday. Absolutely. And just knowing sort of like your, I don't wanna say you're part of the mess, that's a Kansas Leadership Center term, but knowing what you are bringing to the table.

Correct. Owning your energy Yes. Yes. Is important. Oh, I love it.

Nikki Beyrle: And I heard one time, like as leaders or as people we're, we're like weather and how we, if we come in as a tornado, we are now impacting our environment. That's our energy that we're bringing. Yeah. So making sure that whatever energy you're bringing is the energy you wanna bring into the world.

Audra Dinell: Yes. I love the way you're saying that. Okay. Well I've enjoyed this conversation very much. I loved it too. Thank you for being here. It's always a pleasure. Where can our listeners find you? Sure.

Nikki Beyrle: LinkedIn, Instagram. LinkedIn's probably the best way to, to find me.

Audra Dinell: Okay, awesome. You can find her LinkedIn in our show notes and I hope you enjoyed this conversation and took away. Some [00:35:00] tactical, practical ways that you can increase your own eq. Until next time,