41. You Are Here
Ep41
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[00:00:00]
Audra Dinell: Hey, welcome back. It's been a hot minute since I have recorded a solo episode, and I'm coming to you today on a chilly fall day and I'm in my cozy office. I've got a sweet little sweater vest on, and just wanted to share a thought that has been on my mind this week.
You Are Here: Embracing the Present
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Audra Dinell: You know those signs on maps at places like the zoo, they have a red marker and they say, you are here.
Well, we look at those and we [00:01:00] see where we're standing, and then we map out where we wanna go and proceed to follow the course, I have to believe that we are right where we are meant to be in life. So. You are here, and maybe that's a place you're proud of, one that you couldn't see for yourself in your wildest dreams.
Maybe that's a place where you are experiencing some regret. Maybe it's a place where there are more answers than questions. Man, I love answers. I want to be in that place. But oftentimes this year, I have found myself in a place where I have many more questions than I do answers. In fact, answers can be hard to come by.
Acknowledging Our Current State
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Audra Dinell: So as a starting point for this conversation, I'm hoping we can at least agree to acknowledge where our here is [00:02:00] currently. I'm hoping that we can set aside stories in which, where the victim of another person's actions or the culture or an experience, something that was done to us. Those type of stories are so easy to stay in because at least for me.
I feel something, right? I feel angry and it can be easier to feel that feeling than to closely examine my part of the mess. Thank you. Kansas Leadership Center for that term. So if we're gonna be real about where we're starting from in this moment in time, and we're gonna set aside any stories or victim hoods about how we got here, we're gonna actually just look at, I am here.
What does that look like? Do I like where I am? Not so much. And what can I do next?
Reflecting on Our Lives
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Audra Dinell: I'm gonna walk us through four [00:03:00] steps on taking some time to just reflect at where we are in this moment in our lives. Because life moves fast and life is a lot. And so oftentimes it can be hard to slow down and just say, Hey, where am I?
So come along with me and we're gonna talk about these four things.
Celebrating Milestones
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Audra Dinell: Before I get into the episode, I wanna share that as this releases, I'll be on a special trip with my husband. We are going away to celebrate our 15th wedding anniversary that we hit over the summer. We are also going to soak in this season where we're really shifting decades. We're both entering our forties.
My husband last year, me next year, we hit 15 years of marriage. Our kids are both in elementary school. We are just in this different season. And it's exciting. I can't wait to share more about this trip, but in prepping for the experience, [00:04:00] part of the inspiration of this episode was looking at where is our current here, and I'm gonna read you a little excerpt from a book called Beginner's Pluck by Liz Bohannon.
And that's a little teaser, but stay tuned and that will be a part of the episode.
So first things first.
Finding Joy in the Present
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Audra Dinell: What does here look like? We can take time, pour ourselves a cup of coffee in the morning and ask ourselves what's good, what's good right now? What's a little messy? What's challenging? What is bringing me deep joy?
I know for me. Something that has been bringing me deep joy in this season is really watching my kids grow and flourish and be connected to them and develop [00:05:00] interests and personalities they didn't have maybe last year. And man, it really brings me deep, deep joy to be a part of their lives, to be involved in their school, and to just really be around them.
Dealing with Insecurities
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Audra Dinell: So number two, when we are looking at, we are here, we need to be aware of insecurities that might get in our way. So for example, my oldest this morning made a joke about his forehead. Now listen. We come from a, a line of strong foreheads. Okay? And this used to get me so much too. I used to be so insecure about my forehead, and it all stemmed from.
A friend at church who heard me saying something about some other girls, and so she was defending them and asked if I had a receding hairline. Her name is Amy, and this was probably first grade. I don't know how [00:06:00] old I was, but that comment stuck with me and there have been other comments over the years that still stick too.
So I'm like, dude, I get it. This is something that someone else has pointed out to you and now you're feeling insecure about it. But here's what I told him, and here's how this all makes sense. When we're thinking about what our here looks like when we're taking stock of what's good, what's messy, what's challenging.
But then we're also thinking about what insecurities are at play, like maybe like under the hood of the car or like at the back of our minds, because when we can pull those out, we can ask. Two things, can I change it? We cannot change our foreheads, my sweet child. And so the second thing that we can ask is how can we embrace it?
So I went on to tell my son. I was like, listen, dude, you've got the same forehead as I do. And it has [00:07:00] gotten me this far in life. Your brain is big. You can't change it. You're just gonna have to embrace it. Let's be aware of what insecurities might be lying underneath the surface and decide if it's something we can change or if it's something we're going to embrace.
Two choices. That's it.
The Power of Curiosity
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Audra Dinell: So the third thing that I'm thinking about when I'm thinking about you are here I am here is being. Interested in life, and this is where that little excerpt from Beginner's plot comes in. Because I was reading this this morning in preparation and saw some research on curiosity that I just loved so very much.
Researchers at the University of Illinois Urbana campaign. Oh man. And Southern Mississippi University. I don't know if I said that right. I might sound Super Midwest [00:08:00] Urbana campaign. I don't know. Anyways, researchers asked two groups of people to solve the exact same set of puzzles.
All conditions were the same except for one condition with one group of participants. They were asked to spend one minute prior to starting the exercise by telling themselves, I will succeed. The second group was asked to spend one minute prior to the test asking questions and wondering if in fact they would solve the puzzles instead of saying, I will.
They asked, will I? And guess what? The folks in group two who asked questions before attempting to solve the puzzle outperformed those in group one who said, declaratively, I will by a whopping 50%. The scientists concluded that research like this challenges traditional paradigms regarding public service messages and self-help literature designed to motivate people towards a healthier or more productive behavior.
So this is not about [00:09:00] knocking. Positive self-talk. Positive self-talk is a great place to be if we need a boost. But here's what the book says. If you really want to game the system and increase your likelihood of success, stand in front of the mirror and not out of negative or demeaning self-doubt, but out of a spirit of genuine curiosity, ask yourself will I?
So step one. If you need the positive talk, take it. But to really level up step two, ask yourself, will I, will I be the most patient and present parent I can be today? Will I make this the best client presentation I've ever given? Will I be honest and true to my feelings, but stay in control of my emotions when I have this hard conversation?
So I loved this research and this. Perspective shift for me. I have always [00:10:00] been a positive person. I love positive self-talk. I love visioning. But man, that little level up for me is really, I think, gonna be a game changer in helping me. Do the work. I am here. I'm gonna be interested in what this is and what this looks like.
How did I get here? What's bringing me joy? What's messy? What's challenging? What insecurities are lying underneath? And what will I do? Will I show up? Will I do the work? Will I keep going instead of I will.
Enjoy the Ride
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Audra Dinell: Okay, so the last part that I wanted to share is something that my dad has said to me so many different times and he says, enjoy the ride, and he's a car guy.
So I was always kind of like, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, enjoy the ride, but. It is the same thing as fall in love with the process, but [00:11:00] fall in love with the process. Felt a little too high of standards for me because I'm not really a process girl naturally, but I love the thought of enjoying the ride. So I am here.
Enjoy the ride. What is the ride look like? Because here's the thing, as high achieving people, we are always setting. Goals for ourself or have expectations of the way we want things to go or have visions for the future. And that can be great. Like no, but about it, I guess, and is what I want to say.
And when we are constantly looking at what's the next thing we wanna do, get, have, be, it can be exhausting, it can lead to burnout. So that's where I like this thought of. Enjoy the ride. Enjoy the day to day, and if you're not, find a way how, or set a new goal. If you are here and you are unable to tap into [00:12:00] any enjoyment of this ride, like yes, there's gonna be hard, hard things for sure, but also like we can enjoy the ride.
We can enjoy this process of growing and becoming.
Final Thoughts and Encouragement
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Audra Dinell: So you are here. It is up to you to decide where you want to go next, but I just want to leave off this short episode by encouraging you to just be real honest about where you are and what's under the surface for you, and be curious, be interested. Ask yourself, will you x, Y, Z?
Will I, will I show up? With vulnerability, will I go all in on this? Will I be present? And then try your absolute best to find some enjoyment along the way. Because we all know we've hit goals and they feel good, but it's not like the hitting of the goal or the beginning of [00:13:00] what we want. That like feels so good.
It's just like that hard work along the way that we put in that. Feels so good. Makes us so tired. At the end of the night, we're having our head hit the pillow and it's like I'm exhausted because I just gave it my all. Okay, I hope you enjoyed this short episode. I hope it's encouraging to you no matter where you are, if you are looking around at Y and you are at a place that you are just so pleased with, you are here, find a way to celebrate that.
If you are at a place where you're like, I cannot believe I'm here. Figure out what you can change. And if you are somewhere in that messy middle and you are in a waiting season, you are here. Find a way to be interested and enjoy the ride y'all. I'll see you next week. [00:14:00]
