A LOT with Audra

Ep42
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Introduction and Trip to Oregon
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​[00:00:00]

Audra Dinell: Welcome back to another episode of a Lot with Audra. I'm so excited to be here today and talking to you. I'm actually recording on the road. My husband and I have taken a trip to Oregon and we. Started out the trip by investing in our marriage, which I will talk more about later, and we're getting ready to go spend the rest of our time on the coast and celebrate his 41st birthday coming up.

The Theme of Letting Go
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Audra Dinell: But before we do that, I wanted to record this week's episode all about letting [00:01:00] go. And when I was thinking about this episode, I was thinking it's fall. Like what do I need to hear? In this time, and as a person who has ADHD gets frequently overwhelmed, one thing that's always really helpful for me is not what else can I do, but what can I let go of?

And so this list. Is for you. If you are in a season of, you know what, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed, or This upcoming holiday season has me starting to pre-fill overwhelmed, or you just need to take stock of the things you're holding in your world that might not make sense to be there anymore. So I came up with six things that I'm evaluating when I am thinking about this theme of letting go.

So I hope you enjoy, I hope you get a nugget. As [00:02:00] always, this is my lived experience. These are my thoughts. Take what works for you, if anything, and leave the rest. So when I'm thinking about things that serve me to let go of this fall as we round out. 20, 25 another year, get ready to enter into holiday season.

Self-Imposed Timelines
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Audra Dinell: One thing, the first thing that I need to let go of are self-imposed timelines. And listen, I love a good self-imposed timeline. I need a self-imposed timeline for many of the projects I'm working on, but there are some that I don't, one in particular for me and my world. Are house projects. We have a 94-year-old home and room by room.

We're updating it. I was on a walk with my friend who has this beautiful skill of being able to make a space, [00:03:00] feel beautiful, feel cozy, feel inviting, and I was sharing with her these plans I have, and she just kind of paused me and said, you know, take a breath. My home took. You know, five years of almost full-time focus to get it to where I wanted to be.

And it's really not about her timeline or mine, but the point that she was making is sometimes like the really good, feel good decisions, especially when it comes to a project like that, they can't be rushed, they can't be quickly ordered, that really got me thinking about my timeline of like, why do I have this particular timeline for my home?

And I've got my own reasons, but they're all made up. And I'm not saying they're not real or helpful or intentional, but I do think sometimes I put too many timelines in my [00:04:00] life that leads me to overwhelm that usually cannot all be met. And then I feel like a failure and it's like this is completely in my control.

So one thing I want to encourage us to do is look at just any timelines we've set for ourself. And these don't have to be like the timelines that like are in our project management app or you know, written down just the timelines we might have in our head. Like when I was sharing about my home project timeline with my friend on the walk.

This timeline is completely in my head. I mean, pretty sure I haven't even shared it with my husband. So it's not even like, you know, a timeline that's hard and fast. It's just one that I have in my head that I realized, ooh, if I just like, kind of mentally let go of that and just be present in the project that I am working on in my home.

That's gonna serve me a lot better instead of having [00:05:00] this made up timeline that yes, has intention behind it, but really has no roots. If it doesn't get done, if my whole home doesn't get done by this particular timeline I have in my head, it'll be okay. So instead I'm just kind of taking it project by project, room by room, and allowing that to be okay.

The Perfect Plan
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Audra Dinell: So that kind of leads me to the second thing that I feel could be good to let go of, and that is the perfect plan. You know, I've talked probably a lot on the podcast about how I am such a planner. I love planning. I love being in the planning phase of anything because when you're in the planning phase.

Things can still be perfect in your head. They can be executed well. You haven't yet stepped into that action phase where stuff gets messy and [00:06:00] things might not turn out the way you want them to. And so it's so easy to get stuck in like this planning phase of any life change or project or trip. I can't tell you how many trips we have like.

Planned and not taken because we just let them stay in the planning phase instead of booking the tickets or starting the podcast, even though you don't have the perfect plan of, here's the podcast and here's everything that's gonna happen and here's, you know, all the reasons why I'm doing it, and here's the end goal.

So, being a planner over the past five years, I have really leaned into that thought of moving into action. That's the only way I believe you can build a business. I mean, so many of us have businesses in our heads that have never been executed on because we haven't just taken that perfect step because it's so much easier [00:07:00] for ourselves to stay in the planning phase, but it won't ever happen if we don't.

Get out and take that first messy step, even if we don't know exactly what the next one is. So that's the second thing I, in my own life, really want to examine, letting go of this fall is having the perfect plan. You know, even this trip that we're on right now, typically I have. Just more scheduled and more documents.

And my husband and I sat down and when we were kind of finalizing our agenda for the trip, like the tickets had already been booked, the stays had already been secured, but we were like, what do we wanna do with our days? I mean, we had an overall gist, but we decided that this time we wanted a little bit looser of a schedule.

We didn't want to [00:08:00] make all the reservations that we normally, you know, would make. And that's been really fun. Just being like, Hey, we're gonna get on a plane. We know where we're staying, we know what we're doing the majority of the time, but we got to one spot and the place wasn't open that we were planning on spending the night.

Enjoying. And so it just left open like a beautiful time where we decided, hey, let's just stay right here where we are and enjoy this market, this restaurant, this neighborhood. And honestly, it's exactly what we needed. But if we had had the perfect plan, I would have felt like we were on a certain timeline, so I wouldn't have gotten to enjoy the beauty that unfolded last night.

If I would've made a perfect plan.

Seeking Validation
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Audra Dinell: The third thing that we absolutely have to work on letting go of this fall [00:09:00] is. Validation, and I'm specifically talking about thinking we have some level of control over people's actions or reactions to what we are doing. And I think I talked about this on an episode where, you know, one of my boys was dealing with this and I, you know, talked about how it's a lose lose to try and mold your personality and your actions.

Into something because you think someone is going to approve. But when I'm even thinking about the work that I do and what I want to put out into the world, I have no control over how it's going to be received, and I can make the choice to either let that stifle me and essentially not put anything out into the world because.

I'm kind of living in that fear, or I can make the decision that I'm gonna show up. I'm gonna do [00:10:00] my best. I'm gonna put something out there and it's not gonna be perfect, but it's something. It's building that action muscle. And I do not have control of how it's received. Gosh, that is a vulnerable, scary place to be.

But how else are we going to live and work and be in this world if we don't really work on letting go of worrying about what other people are gonna think about us, worrying about other people's reactions, doing things, only if we know they're gonna be validated. Okay. Number four.

Examining Habits
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Audra Dinell: I think the fall is the perfect time to examine our habits.

Now, I'm not talking about all the habits we ever have, but when we're thinking of letting go of things to just decrease the overwhelm and be able to be a little bit more [00:11:00] like present. And rooted and excited about the upcoming season. We absolutely have to look at, are there habits in my life that are going to prevent me from doing that?

I know one that happens to me like every, I don't know, I'm guessing few years, but I haven't really tracked it.

Revenge Stay Up Cycle
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Audra Dinell: A habit that I'll find myself falling into is that like revenge stay up cycle. So. If my kids are waking up early and I feel like I haven't gotten enough alone time during the day because I'm, you know, busy doing whatever working.

But if I don't feel like I've ha or like working housekeeping, running the kids places activities, then I'll find myself in that revenge stay up cycle where I'm like, Nope, I just need a minute. For me, maybe it's reading, maybe it's watching something on Netflix. And like I said, that is not something that is like a habitual problem.

But I do find myself in [00:12:00] that habit every few years. Even just probably this September, we had a very full September, man, it was wild between. Work and kid activities and school things and volunteer commitments. At the kid's school, it just felt like a lot. And I found myself in that revenge stay up late cycle and it's like, oh, I've gotta let that go.

I always know that that backfires on me. But what is that telling me? That habit is telling me. Okay. Like my days are probably a little too packed and I need to carve out some different kind of space because for me, like I love to wake up, I love to wake up early, have my coffee read journal, just have some quiet time and you know, when I'm staying up late, I'm not doing that.

And so it just really like flips my world and kind of puts me in this like bad mood by the time I get. You know, to bedtime, kids are asleep and I'm ready to just like claim my [00:13:00] time. I'm feeling like resentful that I haven't had time for myself. But then of course that means I'm not gonna wake up early and have time for myself the next day.

So what happens in your life? Do you need to let go of this fall? What habit have you had that is just not serving you? It's not gonna make you be. It's not going to allow you to be who you wanna be in this season or get what you want outta this season. Enjoyment, presence, X, Y, Z.

Letting Go of Expectations
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Audra Dinell: Okay, the fifth habit that I think we need to. Look at when we're considering letting things go. This fall is expectations, and I guess I'm gonna bring it back to this trip that we're on right now. I definitely had some expectations for a portion of this trip, but I even then really tried to. L walk [00:14:00] in and let those go.

And I do think I did a good job of it and here's why. I don't think it's reasonable to say, let go of your expectations. That doesn't make any sense. But sometimes in some areas of our life, whether it be marriage or parenting, or our faith community or friendships.

Embracing Curiosity
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Audra Dinell: Some areas of our life, like isn't it great to just embrace curiosity and see what's going to unfold and focus less on having expectations and being just a little bit more open to wonder Again, on this trip, I really feel like because I did not have.

Super structured expectations of like, this is how I want the trip to go. I feel like I've been able to be more open to enjoying what is, instead [00:15:00] of what I thought it should be, and I just think that's a beautiful thing. Again, not for every area of our life, like we need expectations for sure. But where are places we can let go of those expectations to create just like a little bit more beauty and wonder.

Okay. Last thing that I want to propose, we examine this fall.

Traditions and Letting Go
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Audra Dinell: If we are in a season where letting go of some things could feel good, and this one might be a hot take because it's something I love and it's traditions. This is the last thing I want to talk about. I am a person that loves traditions. Oh, moving back to the Midwest was a hu Like the traditions that my mom has created for our family, especially around the holidays pulled me back.

Like, I love traditions, I love Christmas. I, I just love so much this holiday season. And [00:16:00] now that we have kids of our own, we're a family of four, I have the traditions that came from my family, and then I have traditions that I'm making with my, you know, nuclear family right now. And sometimes it can be too many.

And here's what I did last year. Last year, I was in that. Same sort of like mindset of feeling like, oh my gosh, I'm so excited for the holidays to be here. But then I look at my calendar and I'm like, we're doing this, we're doing this, we're doing that. You know, and I'm already feeling like, oh wow, that is a lot.

And so what I did was I asked my kids, Hey. What's important to you over Christmas break or what do you love about Christmas? What's your favorite thing? And honestly, I wrote it down.

Gingerbread House Tradition
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Audra Dinell: I cannot remember what they said EI probably should ask them again for this year, but I remember one thing they didn't say, and that was gingerbread house making.

So that's one thing since we moved back to the Midwest five years ago. This will be our sixth Christmas year, I think. [00:17:00] I love to host all the cousins and get gingerbread houses. One year we got 'em from Trader Joe's. One year we tried to do it ourselves. One year we got 'em from Costco, which like that honestly, structural wise was the safe bet.

I would recommend. I think one year we got him from Dylan's last minute. But I love hosting, like gingerbread making parties. I had a boss in Colorado who at her country club, they would have this big fun gingerbread making party. And I've actually taken my kids, now that I think about it, to an event here at our local science museum.

So there's just something fun about, I don't know, gingerbread houses, but. It was not my top tradition, nor my husband's, nor either of my sons, that any of us verbally said last year was important. And so that was one thing that I just let go of. I was like, this is a busy season. I want it to feel good and merry and connected and [00:18:00] faithful, and I wanna be present and just soak this season up.

And if we have too many things on the calendar, I'm gonna feel rushed. I'm gonna feel like, let's move on to the next thing. It's gonna be more of like a checklist for me. And so I knew I had to take some things off. I had to let some traditions go for a girl who likes traditions. That was a hard one. But we honestly didn't miss the gingerbread house making.

And now that I am sharing this on the podcast, I'm realizing, okay, we're gonna do that again this Christmas. I'm gonna ask my family of four, what is important? To each one of you, what is the number one thing? And listen. Okay. You know, my kids are gonna say opening presents. That aside, what, what one thing makes it really feel like Christmas to you?

I've also done this like in the summer or over breaks of like, okay, what, what is one thing you wanna do over Christmas break? Yeah. So now I'm kind of getting some inspiration to make sure I do that again in my life.

Halloween Plans
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Audra Dinell: We have Halloween coming [00:19:00] up and my family loves Halloween. We live in a neighborhood that goes really big on Halloween, and I say my family, not all of us, but like at least two of us are really, really into Halloween.

And so the other two kind of just get dragged along, but we typically host a big. Party for our family and there are some things that are different this year. My oldest nephew is hopefully gonna be playing in football playoffs and that's gonna take a lot of my family away to be present and cheer him on on Halloween.

And so it was just a beautiful blank slate for us to say, okay. The tradition that we normally do that we love is. Kind of not really available to us this year and for good reason. So what do we wanna do with this blank slate? So while I'm a person who it's like, yes, traditions, love them, I'm also a person who's like, we can also evaluate.

We have freedom to do that because things get too much and sometimes we just have to find something to let go of. All right.

Review of Letting Go Topics
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Audra Dinell: I hope you [00:20:00] enjoyed this episode. I hope there is one thing out of those six that we talked about that you might. Examine in your life and ask, could it be good to let go of something here to review?

We talked about letting go of timelines, letting go of the perfect plan, letting go of thinking we can control others' reaction, letting go of habits that don't serve us expectations that might be stifling our creativity or sense of wonder. And then finally, potentially letting go of some tradi traditions.

All right.

Closing Remarks
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Audra Dinell: I will see you next week. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Call to Action
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Audra Dinell: If you enjoyed this episode, I'd love to hear like, what did you enjoy? Did anything resonate with you? Please share it with a friend. Leave us a review. Subscribe, of course, if you haven't already, and just thank you so much for listening. [00:21:00]