A LOT with Audra

Ep90
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Success Without Aliveness
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​[00:00:00]

Audra Dinell: [00:01:00] What happens when achievement starts costing you aliveness? Today we're discussing what happens when a capable woman realizes, "I can keep succeeding this way, but I can't keep living this way." Dr. Kristen Strom is a professional speaker, author, and transformational life coach who helps professionals design a life that aligns with their purpose and values one small, smart step at a time.

As a former professor turned entrepreneur, she knows what it's like to chase success, yet feel unfulfilled and burned out, and now empowers others to rewrite that story. As the wife of a third-generation farmer in West Central Illinois, Kristen knows firsthand what it's like to juggle marriage, family, career, farming, and community commitments.

But through her own journey, she realized that prioritizing her wellness isn't selfish, it's essential

Welcome to the podcast, Dr. Kristen

Dr. Kristen Strom: Thank you. Thanks so much for [00:02:00] having me

Audra Dinell: So you've had a major pivot in your life. You were a professor earning your PhD while raising three little kids, learning farm life, doing a lot of meaningful things. Will you take us back to that moment and tell us what success looked like to you then?

Dr. Kristen Strom: Absolutely.

Professor Life Pressure Cooker
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Dr. Kristen Strom: So back then, I mean, I'm scrolling back in my memory, but back then I was in the midst of, like, motherhood, right? That blur where you've got three little kids, you're busy with, you know, home responsibilities, but also I was working my way up the ladder in higher education. And success to me meant that not only was I a present mom and wife, but I was also working on my own goals and my career.

But somewhere along the way, I lost a sense of myself and my own health and wellness, which I know we're gonna talk about, that led me further away from what I truly, like, valued. Which because then I wasn't feeling [00:03:00] healthy, I wasn't emotionally healthy, I was not emotionally or physically present for my kids or my husband.

And so success ended up meaning that I had to sacrifice some things along the way

Audra Dinell: And can you pinpoint that moment where the table started turning? I'm just curious because oftentimes in retrospect we can look back in reflection and, and see like that decision led to this decision led to where I got to, but sometimes we can't. So I was just curious

Dr. Kristen Strom: Yeah, there are moments where I really enjoyed my job, and that's something I worked really hard on identifying during those really chaotic months or semesters of being a professor was I was having a lot of tension during that time. And I was like, "Is it my job? Is it a specific part of my job? Is it my kids?

Is it my husband? Is it my husband's job? What is it that's causing this stress?" And what I found was that there were particular parts of my job that I didn't enjoy, but the majority I did.

Red Flags And Burnout
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Dr. Kristen Strom: But [00:04:00] because of the expectations, the workload, the unsustainable work hours, I was being taken away from the things that I truly loved the most.

And so what I was finding was I was missing my kids' sporting events. I was having to create these crazy logistics that were nearly impossible, uh, with other parents to get kids places because my husband was in the fields and I was an hour away teaching a class.

Audra Dinell: Yeah

Dr. Kristen Strom: I found myself exhausted, burned out, tired all the time.

My body hurt. Like, there were a lot of red flags along the way. I also had had a lot of health issues throughout my PhD and post PhD that I didn't listen to. Like, my body was talking to me like, "Kristin, you're in high stress mode, and you've been in high stress mode for a very long time. You need to slow down."

So it's as if my body was talking to me, but I kept pushing and hustling and doing more and more and more, thinking that someday it would get better. But as my kids [00:05:00] grew up and post PhD, it was years later where I was like, "It's not getting better. This is supposed to be my dream job, and it's worse now than it was before, and it's gonna be up to me to figure out how to make those changes

Audra Dinell: It reminds me of that quote, "No one's coming to save you." we always tell ourself, "Okay, after this, things will be slower," or, "After this, after I get this or become this or the kids are this age, will feel some sense of relief." And I mean, the truth is every stage and season has challenges, but it's just sort of that little lie that we tell ourselves of we're just in a hard season.

And then it sounds like you looked up and you were like, "Wait a minute. This has lasted much longer than it was supposed to in my vision

Dr. Kristen Strom: Yeah

Audra Dinell: plan, and now I'm the only one who can stop

Dr. Kristen Strom: it, yeah.

Audra Dinell: it."

Numb To Achievements
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Dr. Kristen Strom: And there were these moments where some really amazing things were happening in my [00:06:00] life. Uh, one in particular was I got a university teaching award that was nominated by students, and I remember the student handing me the letter, and I was confused, and then I was like, "Oh," and I read it, and I didn't feel much.

Like, I should have felt completely fulfilled and happy and joyful, but there was almost a numbness to it.

Audra Dinell: Mm.

Dr. Kristen Strom: And then at the same time, I had gotten notice that I got a national publication, something that professors work sometimes their whole career to get, and I got that. And then I was accepted to present at a national conference, and I didn't feel much around it, and that numbness signaled to me something's off here.

Like, I am in such high stress that I can't even recognize these really powerful, good, joyous moments as being those things

Audra Dinell: Yeah. [00:07:00] I think that's so relatable. I've definitely had a time in my life where it was a birthday, and it was a birthday in my 30s, and I just made this big leap and transitioned into a new role, the highest title I'd ever had in a new city. And I went back home to visit my family, and we were celebrating my birthday, and I just remember feeling numb. And I was like, "What's going on? It's my birthday. I love my birthday" "And I'm with my family." But yeah, I just remember feeling that, that numbness. So I love that you flag that as a signal of like, okay, there's something to dig into here.

Dr. Kristen Strom: Ja

Audra Dinell: it sounds like you were really proud of all of those things that were happening.

You'd worked

Dr. Kristen Strom: And those were things I wanted for years, right?

Kids Mirror The Stress
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Dr. Kristen Strom: And on the back end, I also saw some red flags in terms of things my kids were saying. And I [00:08:00] often say, you know, if we really look in the mirror around the people around us, they're gonna talk to us and tell us things. Um, and our body does the same thing if we really get clear with how we're feeling.

And there were moments that my kids would say something that I was like, "This is a direct reflection of me not being physically and emotionally present for them." And I only have so many more years of their childhood before they're in middle school and high school. And I was a high school teacher for years, and I know, like, my goal was always to raise really good, kind, smart humans that are gonna make a difference in the world.

Like, the goal is don't raise a jerk,

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: And there were a few moments where I was like, "Kristin, pay attention. Your kids need you." And at that point, I was like, "Nothing's gonna come between me and my kids. Nothing's gonna come between me and my marriage." And I'm getting teary-eyed thinking about it, but it was those moments where I really had to realize, like as you mentioned, no one's coming to save you.

[00:09:00] You've gotta do this yourself, and you've gotta figure this out for yourself

Audra Dinell: Hmm. Would you be willing to share like thing that a kid said that, that flagged you for any parents who are like, "I want to be able to hear my kids in that way"?

Dr. Kristen Strom: Mm. There was a moment on the way to school... There was actually many moments for many years where, like, everybody gets in the car, everybody's upset, and you're like, "The day hasn't even started yet. I haven't even dropped them at school. I haven't even started my workday," right? You're looking for the shoes.

You're looking for the backpacks. It's, like, pure chaos. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Audra Dinell: Um,

Dr. Kristen Strom: then

Audra Dinell: I, I have no clue. I, I don't know what that would feel like

Dr. Kristen Strom: And then you get in the car, and it's everybody's heated, and you're like, "Wow, I'm gonna have to drop my kids off at school this way." Like, everybody's emotionally dysregulated. I remember getting in the car one day, and my son said something along the lines of, like, w- there was a lot of just yelling before getting in the car, and my s- son, who was the oldest at the time, I think he was in [00:10:00] sixth grade, he said something along the lines of, "You care more about them, and it's always my fault."

And then he kept going, and I remember the way he was projecting was actually nothing about him and had everything to do about me

Audra Dinell: Oh

Dr. Kristen Strom: him

Audra Dinell: And I mean, gosh, as a parent in the trenches, seven and 10-year-old, two boys, you know, I just see, I see us and I see myself so much in that story. So I can, very much relate and think that probably many parents can. So do you think it's to have a partner with a big job and you have a big job where you travel and you're still a present parent meeting that goal of not raising jerks?[00:11:00]

Dr. Kristen Strom: I do. I do.

Restoring Marriage And Home
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Dr. Kristen Strom: And I've... That's something my husband and I have worked very hard to do the last five years. We've worked to restore our marriage, our relationship with our kids, our family dynamic, which has ultimately affected his role at work, the way that he operates and runs his farm and operation, and how he leads employees and his family.

It's also, , directly impacted my own work because I always say that I'm never gonna lose myself again. At my core are my kids and my family, and what I truly value is showing up as a really strong, powerful woman who's making a difference in the world, but I'm never gonna sacrifice those people that I love.

And it's most important that I do it within my home because who am I to do it out in the world if I can't do it at home,

Audra Dinell: Yeah. So

Dr. Kristen Strom: right?

Audra Dinell: start that restoration? Like, how... Give us that next journey.

What was the next step?

Health Reset And Mindset
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Dr. Kristen Strom: So next step was having a conversation with my husband to say, [00:12:00] "Hey, I don't feel good. There is something off here, and I wanna work on myself." And then also bringing up to him that I also think you might feel this way, too. Let's have a conversation about it. Let's be open. And then from there we decided we needed to work with health experts to help us get our bodies and our minds back in shape.

Because we both realized that we were out of shape. We had some really poor habits around eating and drinking. , A lack of, like, systems at home where we weren't home cooking, we were eating out a lot. We saw that reflected in our kids, too, especially during COVID. Like, it's fascinating. When you look back at families' pictures, not just ours, during COVID, a lot of families put on weight because we were at home, we were highly stressed, we were, you know, cooking frozen pizza or we weren't moving our bodies.

Kids weren't in, weren't, weren't at school, so they weren't in PE. We weren't going to the gym. And so a lot of those habits continued, and then more negative habits piled on. And so we both thought to feel better in our [00:13:00] bodies and our minds, we need to start to fuel our body with good food, water, and workouts or movement that actually support our goals.

So we worked with a health expert to figure out our nutrition and a fitness plan that worked for us to lead us to the goals that we wanted that weren't gonna exhaust us. So that was the start. Then after that, I realized that I'm in the best shape I've been in in my life, but I'm still in this job that's causing me so much stress, and how can I navigate that?

So that really is where I became very emotionally aware and started working on my mindset and my emotional awareness to figure out what are my triggers, what's causing the stress? And then from there, that led to my journey of really digging into mindset, really digging into, like, emotional wellness strategies, intellectual wellness strategies, more physical wellness strategies that really shaped, then, my daily life and how I was going about navigating good stress, bad stress, family dynamics, [00:14:00] putting new routines in place with our kids.

So it wasn't just us going to the gym early in the morning, it was taking a walk as a family.

Audra Dinell: Yeah

Dr. Kristen Strom: was prepping food as a family, having conversations around what, what are foods that fuel us in really good ways, and what are foods that probably aren't giving us the energy that we need, right? And that had a direct effect on them and their bodies and their minds.

, I would say I started to incorporate a lot of the mindset work, of growth mindset and resilience that I've learned into how I talk to my kids, how I talk to my husband. I also coach youth sports teams, um, and so that mindset work was directly related to that. And so I feel like that completely shifted our world over time.

Audra Dinell: And it's a, it's layered. It's like you start with the maybe most obvious, like the physical, the thing that you see in the mirror every day, the thing that everyone else can see. you started peeling [00:15:00] back that layer and, and meeting some goals, and then found another layer and another layer. But I think the place that you got to is so relatable for busy families today, that, you know, we just kind of keep going and keep doing and keep running on that treadmill. And then, you know, we wonder why there's blowups every morning or, you know, we're relying on frozen pizza. So I just think it's so easy and relatable. And like, what, where did you have to get to to be like, "We're making a change and we're starting here"?

Two Wake Up Call Moments
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Dr. Kristen Strom: Yeah, it was... I had two moments. One moment was a photo that my sister-in-law sent me from a vacation that we went on. During COVID, we went to the Smoky Mountains to hike and, like, be awa- away from people, so it was just our, like, extended family unit. And she sent me this picture that she thought was really cute, but I didn't recognize myself.

I was like, "Who is that woman?" And it took me back to that moment where I wanted to [00:16:00] cry 'cause my whole body hurt, and I was on the first, like, 15 minutes of the hike, and I wasn't even the oldest. And I'm like, "How did I get here? I used to run races. I was an athlete. Like, how did I get here, where my body hurts within 15 minutes of hiking?"

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: And I didn't recognize my physical body, and it looked like that was an older, exhausted, worn-out woman.

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: And then it was a few months later, I looked in the mirror, and I was like, "You're the only one that can change this." Like, I was turning 39 three months from then, and I thought, "If I feel like this at 38, what are my 40s gonna feel like?"

And at... This sense of dread hit my gut, hit my heart, and hit my head, and I thought, "I can't live like this. If this feels this hard now, what is it going to feel like when I'm older? 'Cause it's not gonna get easier." And those two moments piled together were like, [00:17:00] wake-up call, you have to make the changes.

Like, no one else can do this for you. You have to decide to do something different 'cause what you've done right now has gotten you here, and what you're trying to do is not making a difference

Audra Dinell: Yeah, it's that whole what gets you here won't get you there.

What Do You Want Instead
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Audra Dinell: So if someone's listening and they're seeing themselves in your story, what one piece of advice would you give them if they're at that moment where not recognizing themselves or they're feeling dread about who they're gonna be in the next 10 years if they keep up habits?

Dr. Kristen Strom: My advice is ask yourself, "What do I want instead?" If this is what I'm currently living, and this is what my daily life is like, and this is how I'm currently feeling, or this is what my current marriage feels like, or how I would describe my relationship with my kids, what do I want instead? Then from there, you have to backwards design [00:18:00] how you're going to get there.

And it takes some identity work, it takes mindset work, it takes creating new habits. It takes a lot of different things to get you there, but that's what it starts with, is creating awareness first, then mindfulness and intention around where you wanna go, and then actually taking action on those things

Audra Dinell: Mm. So you talk about small daily changes creating this tectonic shift for you

Dr. Kristen Strom: Mm-hmm

Audra Dinell: What did you start? What did you stop? Just tell us about the, the first steps that you took

Dr. Kristen Strom: Yeah.

Small Habits That Stick
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Dr. Kristen Strom: When I asked myself what I wanted instead,

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: I wanted to be healthy, I wanted to be fit, I wanted to live a long life, I wanted to be active, like, with my kids. I didn't want to have to sit back and be like, "You go on that hike," or, "You go play on the playground and I'll just sit here," 'cause that's what I was doing.

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: I wanted to be emotionally present with them, not a distracted, short-tempered, grouchy [00:19:00] mom.

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: wanted to be able to coach them, which I was doing, but I was always exhausted, and I wasn't showing up as the, like, youth sports coach that I was when I was coaching high school before kids.

Audra Dinell: Yeah

Dr. Kristen Strom: to be part of their childhood in that way.

And I wanted to be truly present with them, because I know how fast it goes. And so if I wanted those things, I knew I had to create a life that got me there. So what did that look like? That looked like, you know, really looking at my daily movement. What was I doing? What'd I need to stop doing? Which was, I was at the time trying to do a ton of cardio to lose weight, 'cause that's what society had always told me to do, and it actually didn't work, and I was more exhausted and eating more because of it.

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: I needed to walk instead. I needed to weight train for strength and resilience. I needed to drink water and not so much caffeine. I needed to eat protein, 'cause I wasn't drinking or eating enough protein. And I needed to cut out a lot of the processed food and the alcohol I was drinking.

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: that was, like, physical wellness.

I also, something that [00:20:00] drastically shifted my life, was creating five or 10 minutes of quiet in the morning. Because when I woke up, I felt like my feet hit the floor, and I was already behind, and it was already chaos.

Audra Dinell: Yep

Dr. Kristen Strom: And so how you start your morning sets you up for success the rest of the day. But if I was starting my morning in chaos, obviously, the rest of the, day was gonna be chaotic.

So if I wanted more peace, more calm, more quiet, then I needed to start my day that way. So I set my alarm five minutes earlier, then 10 minutes earlier, and I just sat in quiet to start. And then from there, I developed what I call my 10-minute power practice, 'cause I learned about the, research behind brain dumping, setting intentions, and gratitude.

And so I put all three of those together, and within 10 minutes, I could do those things, sometimes less than five minutes. But that's how I started my day every morning, and I can actually continue to do that, but now it turns into, like, prayer journaling. So I start my morning with prayer, just journaling to God of my [00:21:00] blessings and gratitudes and, you know, things that are on my mind.

But that morning routine was so important, because it allowed me to start to hear my voice. It allowed me to stop the hustle,

Audra Dinell: Yeah

Dr. Kristen Strom: and it made me realize that, like, there's something to slowing down, which for my entire life, I thought I had to, like, hustle and do more.

Audra Dinell: Yeah.

Ten Minute Power Practice
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Audra Dinell: So if someone wants to start, and five, 10 minutes feels so doable, will you share that first three-step process? Will you share a little bit more about your 10-minute power morning?

Dr. Kristen Strom: Yeah. So a brain dump is when you just let everything out of your mind onto a piece of paper. You can even voice note it to yourself. But on a piece of paper, you just brain dump. I actually use this with my students too in different capacities, because when you get it out of your mind, you let go of the mental load.

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: have to make sense. So whatever is on your mind when you wake up, you just bullet point, write phrases. It doesn't even have to make sense, but it's out of your brain

Audra Dinell: And do you ever have to go back and use it?

Dr. Kristen Strom: You could, yeah. [00:22:00] So some women do. You don't have to.

Audra Dinell: them do,

Dr. Kristen Strom: I didn't, but some of them do. So women that have ... So it might be like a work project that you're really worried about, or it's just stressing you out. There might be some things that come out of, like, to-dos. Well, just highlight them or put stars or circle them, because then you can come back and pull those into, like, your sticky note or your agenda or your calendar.

Audra Dinell: 'Kay.

Dr. Kristen Strom: So just brain dump so it's out of your mind, so you're not feeling the heavy brain when you wake up. And from there, set your three intentions. These are three things that you wanna focus on for the day. Three, that's it. These big rock ideas. Not all the ... If you, if you've ever heard of the, , , I don't know if it's a metaphor, but you know, when you think about big rocks and all the sand.

You can't put all the sand in the glass first. You have to put the big rocks in first. So what are your three big rocks? So for me, it might be, you know, be present with my kids at night. It might be get a workout in, and it might then, like, eat healthy and drink my water

Audra Dinell: Okay, so you're saying those are intentions, so those might not be your to-do list

Dr. Kristen Strom: just how do you want... Like, what do you wanna make sure that you focus on today?

Audra Dinell: Okay.

Dr. Kristen Strom: Okay. [00:23:00] How do you wanna show up? What are your actions that are gonna lead you there? Right? But not, like, listing them all out.

Audra Dinell: Yeah

Dr. Kristen Strom: , And then your gratitudes. There is so much research behind expressing gratitude. It leads to higher self-esteem.

, It gives you a dopamine boost. It, like... It's just incredible for you, so just end with gratitudes, like three to five what are you grateful for, and then shut your journal or shut your, you know, notebook and move on with the day

Audra Dinell: And that's something that regardless of if you wake up super early to get movement in or you don't have a ton of time in the morning because your kids go to school early, it's just 10 minutes. Like, , we can all do that. So I

Dr. Kristen Strom: We can all do it

Audra Dinell: compact. You can make it bigger if you have space, but if you don't, 10 minutes, that's so good

Dream Smaller Compound Wins
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Dr. Kristen Strom: And I wanna note something that for those of us that are high achievers, that have a lot on our plate, what happens is we think when we create change, it has to be a big change.

Audra Dinell: Yep

Dr. Kristen Strom: our brain registers as this is hard, this [00:24:00] is gonna be uncomfortable. I've failed at big change before, I don't wanna do it, or I've seen other people do it and it looks hard, and so we don't even do it.

And so instead of thinking about big change, think about these really small increments. So five, 10 minutes, that's it.

Audra Dinell: Yeah

Dr. Kristen Strom: Maybe even a five-minute stretch, like if you wanna start moving your body or, or eventually you'd love to get some yoga in, but 45 minutes to an hour isn't possible, five minutes next to your bed stretching when you wake up, definitely possible.

You don't even need equipment

Audra Dinell: Yeah. Yeah. someone I've worked with, Liz Bohannon, she has written a book and just is this awesome powerhouse woman. She talks about dream smaller. And, you know, listen, I'm 40, so growing up, the messages I heard were dream big, you can do anything. Yes. And she started this amazing company by tweaking that, flipping that thought on its [00:25:00] head, and telling herself, "Dream smaller," and, like, accomplishing the thing and then the next thing and then the next thing.

So I often ... I just think there's so much truth to what you shared if you're an ambitious person and you have all these big dreams, sometimes they can be overwhelming and prohibit you from starting. But if you flip those and just the first small thing, like dream smaller, like can you add weights into your life?

Well, you can go twice a week and do a 30-minute workout versus, you know, how am I gonna become this person in her 40s who, you know, has great muscle tone and I'm, I'm thinking about who I wanna be, right? Or this great system. It's like just start or maybe it's at home, you know, picking up dumbbells and committing to 10 minutes three times a week, something like that

Dr. Kristen Strom: Yeah. And i- if anybody is listening that hasn't read Atomic Habits by James [00:26:00] Clear, it's a fantastic book. But he talks about those tiny, small steps that you take and the momentum you gain from it. In the moment, they're so small your brain doesn't register that it's making a difference. So that's why your brain's like, "Oh, I've worked out," or, "I've gone a, on a five or 10-minute walk for two weeks.

This isn't making a difference." But it actually is. You just have to owe it to yourself to keep going. And the reason is, is because your brain is saying, "This is so small it's not working," 'cause it doesn't feel hard, but that's the reason you're doing it.

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: small, little, tiny changes or these tiny habits end up compounding over time, and eventually that's when you start to see, you know, more energy, more muscle tone, more peace, more presence, more joy in your life.

Whatever it is you're working on. But it's not just gonna magically appear, right?

Audra Dinell: Yeah. Oh, I love that.

Identity Beliefs And Future Self
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Audra Dinell: So what did you have to believe about yourself in order to keep choosing this new version of you and these [00:27:00] new habits? Like, what beliefs were you reworking during this time?

Dr. Kristen Strom: I had to believe that, one, it was possible for me, that I was worth it. Like, I was worth the time, the energy, the investment. And I had to believe that a future me was out there.

Audra Dinell: Mhm,

Dr. Kristen Strom: Because the me that I saw was over 200 pounds, if we're gonna be totally honest, because I was close to it. , Was having to sit out of being active with my kids and telling my husband and kids to go do stuff when they were in high school and college, 'cause I couldn't handle it.

I saw myself disconnected from my husband, maybe divorced. I saw myself disconnected from my kids, and my kids thinking that they didn't have a connection with me, and that devastated me.

Audra Dinell: Yeah

Dr. Kristen Strom: So I had to see a future version that was different.

Audra Dinell: Ja.

Dr. Kristen Strom: And then know that it was possible. Like, and that's what I wanna tell women is, like, it is possible.

There's so much [00:28:00] information out there that it often leads to, like, analysis paralysis,

Audra Dinell: Totally. Totally

Dr. Kristen Strom: , But if you believe that there is a different version of the life that you're living And that you know that you're worth it, that your kids are worth it, your spouse, partner, parents, colleagues are worth it because they deserve a better version of you, but you are the one that deserves a better version of you, then all it takes is taking the next step.

But again, the next step could be the hardest step. That first step could be the hardest step, but you just have to take it.

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: I heard a speaker say you gotta draw a line in the sand and step over it. You just have to do it. And eventually that sand, that line in the sand's gonna disappear, and you have to draw the next line, right?

It's that same tiny... Dream small. Dream small. Take the next step forward

Audra Dinell: Yeah. Oh, that's so good. And, you know, I was talking to my dad the other day, and he was just reminding me that when you're, [00:29:00] when you're trying to reach a mountaintop and you're climbing uphill, like, it's gonna be hard. Like, it's not,

Dr. Kristen Strom: Yes

Audra Dinell: season. And so it's, if you are a person who is continuously trying to grow yourself and see the next version of you and be better, then it's, that, that's meant to be hard.

That's normal

Dr. Kristen Strom: It's totally normal.

Fear Peaks And Resilience
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Dr. Kristen Strom: And fear is part of the process. That's normal. That was a huge wake-up call when I started to really investigate fear and discomfort. When I learned that that's actually part of the growth process,

Audra Dinell: Oh yeah

Dr. Kristen Strom: I was like, "How come no one told us this?"

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: What would have shifted and changed or been available to me if instead of running away from that fear, I would have like worked through it?

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: So realizing that has been powerful. And then also you talked about your dad talking about the climb, right? The mountain. It's gonna be hard.

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: But after you climb a mountain, there's gonna be another valley or you gotta come down

Audra Dinell: Yep[00:30:00]

Dr. Kristen Strom: Right? And the more that you work on yourself and you get to the next level, you're gonna reach new challenges.

Audra Dinell: Yeah

Dr. Kristen Strom: what I have found is that the resilience you build by moving through fear, by putting in the reps, by doing the hard thing, yes, you're gonna get to the next hard thing, but because you've done it before, more confident.

Audra Dinell: Yeah

Dr. Kristen Strom: and actually becomes, like, a fun challenge. Like, next time, the next challenge I see, instead of being scared about it, I'm like, "Okay, I can do this," because I did it before, and I can't wait to see what's on the other side of it.

So it almost gets exciting

Audra Dinell: Right, because it's like you've built those muscles, you have those habits, you've reached a peak, but you remember where you were. And so it's almost just like even recognizing that it's not you hit a peak and then you're there forever, that life is meant to be peaks and valleys. But you can use the habits and the identity that you've created and those muscles that you've built to be resilient [00:31:00] to climb the next mountain faster or have a better perspective on the climb, or just that belief that like, "I know I can get to the top again because I've done it before."

Dr. Kristen Strom: Ja

Turning Healing Into Purpose
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Audra Dinell: So now your life looks drastically different, and you actually help high-capacity women make these changes without turning healing into another achievement

Dr. Kristen Strom: Mm-hmm.

Audra Dinell: Tell us about your work.

Dr. Kristen Strom: Yeah. So as I was making these changes in my life, I mean, it's just still fascinating to me that I'm living this life that I am now because I never imagined that I would be teaching people how to do this. But it's because I was making changes in my life that people came to me and said, "We see the difference.

Will you come and teach my colleagues, my employees? Will you be my life coach?" And so I started listening because that was something that, right, like I was getting more quiet with myself and really asking [00:32:00] the universe, like, what, what do you want of me, right? Because I thought I wanted this dream job, but it's not, and now I've made these changes, so what, what's next?

But I've always been a teacher at heart, and the reason I went into teaching was to change the world through each child that I was with. And so now I find myself teaching on stages to adults and youth audiences about finding purpose, health and wellness strategies, stress management, how to own your magic and step into your magic, which is a framework that I've created to help people lead themselves to a more improved life.

And it's fascinating that because of my own journey, people started to invite me into those spaces where I could teach them those things. And so I'm speaking now, , at conferences, to companies, at leadership seminars, in schools, but I'm also coaching women, uh, through my own coaching program that I developed from the years of research that I did.

Because I was a teacher, I kept track of everything and realized there's something to this, and if [00:33:00] I can create a program to help other women do what I've done, this is gonna make the world a better place because stronger, more resilient, more emotionally aware, more present women is going to help our world because it's going to help their families.

It's gonna help their businesses. , It's gonna help their communities and the ways that they lead, , because we need more women who realize that it... you don't have to hustle. You don't have to hustle to have it all. I know that that's a conversation that I always see on social media is like, can you have it all, and can you have it all at the same time?

Audra Dinell: Yeah

Dr. Kristen Strom: And I'm living in this place where I do, and I wanna say, hell yes, you can have it all, and you can have it all at the same time. But it takes such clear intention around who you are, what you want, and how you're gonna get there, and not sacrificing what you value. And you can do it, but it takes time. It's not gonna magically appear.

But you have to do the work on yourself, and you have to do the [00:34:00] work to be the best version of yourself so that you can bring that into every single space of your life. And then from there you decide, "Is this what I want or do I want something else instead?"

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: Right? And keep asking yourself that. Um, and so I'm able to do that through my coaching program, and I coach women in groups and one-on-one coaching, and it's just beautiful to see what's changing in their lives.

Like, it is wild, and so that's why I keep doing it because it's, it's helping them thrive in such powerful ways that's changing families, it's changing generational trauma, it's changing their income. It's putting them in spaces and giving them the confidence to be in spaces where they can lead their families, their communities, their organizations in really powerful ways

Audra Dinell: Mm. So good. I can't think of better work. What would you tell the woman who's listening and they've built a beautiful life like you, they've achieved some things from the outside, it [00:35:00] looks great, but inside they just don't quite feel fully alive

Quiet Clarity And Saying No
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Dr. Kristen Strom: I would tell her to just keep getting quiet with herself and ask herself why. Like, "Why don't I feel quite fully alive right now? What's causing it? And then what do I need to do to get the, the life that is going to help me feel like I'm alive and thriving?" Like, what does that actually look like? And get clear on it.

And for some women, that's hard, especially in transitional stages, right? Women closer to retirement, I find they're like, "I don't know. I've poured my entire life into raising my family and then my career, and I'm retiring in a year. Like, I don't even know what I want." Or the woman who has, like... There's a lot of women I work with that there's, like, this small kindling of, like, a fire inside them, whether it's a dream or something they're feeling called to do, but there's not clarity around it.

They just feel it, and it starts as [00:36:00] a feeling

Audra Dinell: Ya, ya

Dr. Kristen Strom: And so, and I can relate 'cause it was, that's, that was me years ago when I didn't even know I was gonna start a business, but I felt something. And so the more you can get quiet, the more you can journal, the more that you can work on yourself, the more that you can pull back the layers to be the best version of you so that you are ready for the opportunity or for the clarity when it comes, that's what it takes

Audra Dinell: And I love what you said right there. It's not that you see the thing and then you work your way to it. You work your way to becoming the person who's ready

Dr. Kristen Strom: Yes

Audra Dinell: thing. I think oftentimes we, we get that backwards. I get this job, I'll do this, or when my business hits these numbers, or when my house looks like this, then I'll do this.

But it's the opposite

Dr. Kristen Strom: It's totally opposite. And we think it has to be a clear answer. Like, we think it has to be clear. So when I finally have the answer, then I'll take the [00:37:00] steps.

Audra Dinell: Yes. Yes.

Dr. Kristen Strom: there never is an answer

Audra Dinell: Yeah, so it's becoming that version of you that is operating almost like you already have everything

that you desire, and then when it comes, you're ready,

Dr. Kristen Strom: Absolutely.

Audra Dinell: and you recognize it.

Dr. Kristen Strom: Yeah.

Audra Dinell: Yeah.

Dr. Kristen Strom: And then you're like, "Wow. Yeah, this is, this is what I've worked towards. This is it." And you also recognize, "Oh no, this isn't it, because I'm so clear on who I am and what I want that even though this fabulous opportunity comes my way, I might say no thank you."

Audra Dinell: Yeah.

Dr. Kristen Strom: because it doesn't align

Audra Dinell: Yes. Yes. I feel like nothing makes you feel more like in your own authority, living in your values than saying no to a good opportunity with peace

Dr. Kristen Strom: Yes

Audra Dinell: know that's not for you in this season or there's still [00:38:00] something else that you need to have a space for.

Dr. Kristen Strom: Mm-hmm

Audra Dinell: Oh, okay.

How To Work With Kristen
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Audra Dinell: So as we wrap up, I'd love if you could tell our guests where can they find you, how can they work with you?

Dr. Kristen Strom: Absolutely. So you can go to my website, it's drkristenstrom.com. , My, services are on there, whether it's for speaking at events, , or coaching. Uh, you can reach out to me there. You can book a free discovery call to see if one-on-one coaching or group coaching is a good fit. I do have a group launching in September, and so that's this month.

So if women want a spot in that group, it's a three-month, , group that supports you in your wellness goals as well as personal and professional goals to help you start to thrive and to figure out what's on your heart. And that'll put us right at the end of 2026, so it's perfect timing for women to gain momentum before the new year versus waiting, 'cause there's no, there's no benefit to waiting,

Audra Dinell: Ja

Dr. Kristen Strom: right?

You just go after it. You have to take that next step. And so I find that fall is a great time of year [00:39:00] to gain momentum so that by the time the holidays and January comes, you're already off to the races

Audra Dinell: Yes. Oh, I love that.

Final Thanks And Wrap Up
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Audra Dinell: Thank you so much for the conversation today, and I'm really excited about the work you do in the world, so thank you for that

Dr. Kristen Strom: And thanks for having me. I hope this touches people in, in really powerful ways

Audra Dinell: Hmm. ​